The pup

In March, Nate got us a puppy from New Mexico, a beautiful German Shepherd. Even though he was a little timid from the beginning, he eventually warmed up and gained self confidence. He was a little rascal most times when we were together, always trying to bite my arm off or run laps in the house. I took him for walks and adventures to the duck pond where he involuntarily swam once, and of course to Cooper Park where he loved to play with all of the other dogs. He was so handsome. His markings were starting to show much better and his coat was sleek and ever so soft. But he died last night.

I haven't been able to stop crying since this morning when the vet called to tell me that he didn't make it through the night. 12 hours of balling. Nate joked and said that if I keep crying my eyes would swell shut. I just don't get it, yesterday morning and Saturday night he was perfectly fine. He was bouncing off the walls even though we went for three walks on Saturday, and Sunday morning was the same story. Sunday I brought him to Nate's and hung out for a while, around 3 I went home for two hours, two lousy hours, I came back and something was not right with him. He was very unresponsive and very lethargic. I checked his gums and they were paper white. We called the vet almost immediately and I brought him in. He puked and collapsed at the vet's office. The vet checked him and thought that he might have Parvo because of the lethargy and vomiting. The white gums and decreased body temp. weren't clasic signs of it, though. She checked his blood and found that it had really high levels of some thing released by the liver. The normal range was up to 200. His was 2000. A sign of some sort of toxicity.

I held his head in my arms when they drew blood and then when they were doing the testing. He was so soft still, all he wanted to do was stay in my arms.

I was so optimistic he was going to pull through. I was 99% certain it was just a weird occurence and through proper treatment at the vet's he was going to be Cadence again.

The vet said that he smelled of onions this morning and if he had eaten any rotten onions, that could have surely attributed to his death. Who knew onions were such a danger to dogs? Who knew I was such a danger to him? I should have kept him on the leash more and cleaned out the garden and have been even sterner about him not eating things he wasn't probably supposed to have. I didn't even say good bye to him because I figured I would be able to see him again. I thought at the very worst they would call me in to review further options for some sort of treatment. Not that he would die overnight.

I also feel guilty because I had thought about giving him up. Nate didn't really want him anymore since he was a little afraid of him still. And I thought that I couldn't really care for him the way he needed to be. Cadence and I had a heart to heart and I decided that it would work. If I wouldn't have made that choice in vain he could be alive. If I would have just given him up a week earlier.

I'm such an animal killer. I killed my fish when I worked at PetsMart, my hamster died after I only had her for a year and a half, and now Cadence. Everyone better watch out, it'll be a person next. I know I'm probably exaggerating, but right now, this is just how I feel.