Sunday, October 28, 2007

I've had a couple of ideas that I wanted to post before I forgot them, so, as I wait to go to bed (Nate is cleaning), I'll take this opportunity to post.

I've been on a very strange food kick. I'm becoming more adventurous and trying recipes that look and sound great, but things that I've never tried before with ingredients I've never used. I thought exploring this unfamiliar territory would be exciting, but it has left me with a bad taste in my mouth (literally... not the usual metaphorical example). I made a daring spaghetti squash with a nice cream and mushroom and goat cheese sauce that turned out extraordinarily bland. It is still sitting in the fridge, half eaten. I also did Mexican macaroni, a recipe I never really knew but thought I could pull off. Even though I thought it was fine, it was a little off. The cheese melted funny and was granular instead of stringy. I also didn't use stewed tomatoes so there were chucks of tomatoes, and I can never really tell when pasta is adequately done.... My latest flop were pumpkin cookies with cream cheese frosting. They were okay... not spectacular. The frosting was great, but not the best snack food around. The cookies just aren't sweet enough. It is like a minicake. They just don't suffice a craving for cookies. I'm going to try an eggplant pasta on Tuesday... we'll see how that goes. I'm sick of knowing only a couple of good recipes. I want to learn new recipes that I can make and that taste great. I could look at this positively in the aspect that I've succeeded at finding several recipes that don't work so well for me.

In perspective, though, that doesn't seem very important when I consider what other people have to deal with. At work, I wish I had all the right answers. I wish I knew what to do with all of our patients, but then I'm torn because I don't know if I should even be doing something that a nurse normally would since I'm only an HCA (and nurse *cough*cough*..superhero... in training). But it kills me to just sit and do nothing. One nurse did complement me on how well I was able to calm and redirect one of our younger clients. (More to come later... I am going to bed regardless of the cleaning time).

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Only 65% of an addict

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I definitely had to answer yes to the "do you blog instead of doing other things you have to do like studying for an exam."

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Switching gears

Yesterday was my sister's birthday. She turned 20. On Thursday, we had guest speakers from Mountain Home speak to our class. Moutain Home is a place for pregnant teenage girls who are homeless or otherwise disendowed. This experience so close to my sister's birthday created a great flux of emotions within me... as my sister's son will turn 4 in November; her daughter, 2 in December.

My family has tried to help my sister so much: given her money when needed, a place to enjoy family company, transportation to and from appts, even offering a free place to live. However, she refuses to use the last resource to her and her children's benefit. She was evicted from her last apartment because it was infested both by bugs and drugs. She didn't cause it to be like this. However, it was in the terms of her lease and she knowingly accepted. She has a different apartment now and continues to live hand to mouth.

As one might detect, this is a painful topic for me because it is impossible for me to understand my sister's reasoning for staying in Vegas with virtually nothing. But, has my anger and frustration caused me to treat my sister less than I would a stranger I met in the hospital?

For instance, if a teenager presented herself to me in a clinical setting and had many of the same characteristics as my sister, I wouldn't think twice about finding her help, giving her the tools she needed to get on her feet, and helping her make a positive change in her life. With my sister, I have mentioned stuff to her, and expected if she really wanted to change, she would do it. She would find the resources she needed in her area and get on with it. With internet access, I probably have an easier time trying to find resources for her. Why am I waiting?

I think I just don't want to be upset by her. With someone else, I don't have to see her and be hurt by her the rest of my life. It hurts because I know what she could have become. It hurts because she is so damn stubborn for reasons that she refuses to fully understand. It hurts because she is only letting a horrible cycle continue.

I am going to find some information for her and leave it up to her and leave it at that... yeah right, but I can hope that she is still in that immature adolescent stage and consequence/benefit/abstract operational thinking is still developing. (Adolescent stage goes from 12-25...)