Sunday, April 30, 2006

There I was...

...answering a question on Yahoo! Answers about the best date I had that was outdoors. And now I don't want to forget it, I don't think I ever would, but still. It was a beautiful summer day and I rode with a friend on their motorcycle to Lake Superior. (As a side note I used to ride with him quite a bit, sometimes late at night, and I would fall asleep. No joke. Scares the crap out of me now to think that I did that.) Anyways, we went somewhere next to Grand Marais and climbed up a cliff on the side of the road overlooking the lake. There was a rest stop next to the road, but it was in such a bad location that you can't really see anything besides a small beach. From the top of the cliff the view was amazing. You could probably see the Apostle Islands on a super clear day with good vision from up there.

That night was also amazing. We found an abandoned shack on Lake Superior and set up camp. I ended up going out and sitting on the lake for a long time getting mentally caught up in the waves and stars. It was weird, if you stared at the waves long enough it seemed to look like you were moving on the rocks into the waves and not the waves into the rocks. (I promise I was not on drugs.) The stars were also amazing, there were so many and it was so clear. Even though the moon was out, you could still see pretty well. I have a lot of good memories of the North Shore, Duluth, concerts in Somerset, getting stuck there and not caring, and of course concerts in the Twin Cities. Man compared to my life back then, it is boring now. And who's fault is that? Montana's. Nah, I'm just down and out right now, but I don't do anything like I used to. Heck I hardly ever even go out and drink. Most likely because I don't have a lot of extra cash, and drinking isn't that fun anyways, you feel like crap afterwards, not to mention all of the legalities that are associated with it. Maybe I just need to find a good outdoor concert and go.

I guess when Tony was out here we roamed around little. We would find random trails that go up into the woods and we would take a ton of road trips. I think I'll write about my trip to Somerset with Emily and Wes that ended up really funky next. I have to do some homework, though.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

School, isn't the point to want to get out?

I have recently been intrigued by a profession that lies not too far from my current track of study. Problem is I want to do both. I know I have the time and drive to do both, but who continually wants to stay in school? When I visualize my future all I see are textbooks, libraries, cheap capaccinos from the corner mini-mart (now the Loaf-n-Jug), financial debt, and always learning something. But I'm okay with this! As odd as I may be, right now I'm not burned from school, and I like it. I like learning new things, and I love when I can take those things I've learned and apply them to the 'real' world.

Even though my courses right now don't really seem to be that appicable, they kind of are. My least applicable, Lifespan of Human Development, doesn't count because I've already learned similar but better applicable lesson in the other class I took like it. Even philosophy I can apply it to when I'm being extremely lazy and watching TV. I can find the trends we studied and the consequences they have. Yeah, one could do this without spending $400+ for a class, but would you really be able to argue it?

Where was I going?

I just like to learn things and it makes me feel like I am on the cutting edge. It makes me feel like nothing can get in my way without me knowing what it is I'm dealing with and how to deal with it. Yeah, sure, somethings don't always turn out for the best but at least I'll have known that I had the knowledge and did everything that I could have. What's wrong with that? On the news today was a story about a guy who has been going to school for 12 years for a bachelor's degree. I don't see what's wrong in going to school that long for two master's or a master's and a doctorate.


"Man, just let me sleep"

"I can't hear you"

"May I help you?"

We put his ear in a splint in hopes that it would stand up like the other one. We took it out the next day and it eventually stood up, but then the other folded over. When he wasn't lazy or really focusing on something they would both stand up. It was so cute. Little Radar Dog.

These picks were taken when he was about 10/11 weeks old. When he was 13 weeks, he was starting to get a mohawk of dark fur down the top of his head to his back, and the other fur lightened up. On his shoulders he was also starting to show white fur in the rich black fur, it made him look like a porcupine.

Monday, April 24, 2006

The pup

In March, Nate got us a puppy from New Mexico, a beautiful German Shepherd. Even though he was a little timid from the beginning, he eventually warmed up and gained self confidence. He was a little rascal most times when we were together, always trying to bite my arm off or run laps in the house. I took him for walks and adventures to the duck pond where he involuntarily swam once, and of course to Cooper Park where he loved to play with all of the other dogs. He was so handsome. His markings were starting to show much better and his coat was sleek and ever so soft. But he died last night.

I haven't been able to stop crying since this morning when the vet called to tell me that he didn't make it through the night. 12 hours of balling. Nate joked and said that if I keep crying my eyes would swell shut. I just don't get it, yesterday morning and Saturday night he was perfectly fine. He was bouncing off the walls even though we went for three walks on Saturday, and Sunday morning was the same story. Sunday I brought him to Nate's and hung out for a while, around 3 I went home for two hours, two lousy hours, I came back and something was not right with him. He was very unresponsive and very lethargic. I checked his gums and they were paper white. We called the vet almost immediately and I brought him in. He puked and collapsed at the vet's office. The vet checked him and thought that he might have Parvo because of the lethargy and vomiting. The white gums and decreased body temp. weren't clasic signs of it, though. She checked his blood and found that it had really high levels of some thing released by the liver. The normal range was up to 200. His was 2000. A sign of some sort of toxicity.

I held his head in my arms when they drew blood and then when they were doing the testing. He was so soft still, all he wanted to do was stay in my arms.

I was so optimistic he was going to pull through. I was 99% certain it was just a weird occurence and through proper treatment at the vet's he was going to be Cadence again.

The vet said that he smelled of onions this morning and if he had eaten any rotten onions, that could have surely attributed to his death. Who knew onions were such a danger to dogs? Who knew I was such a danger to him? I should have kept him on the leash more and cleaned out the garden and have been even sterner about him not eating things he wasn't probably supposed to have. I didn't even say good bye to him because I figured I would be able to see him again. I thought at the very worst they would call me in to review further options for some sort of treatment. Not that he would die overnight.

I also feel guilty because I had thought about giving him up. Nate didn't really want him anymore since he was a little afraid of him still. And I thought that I couldn't really care for him the way he needed to be. Cadence and I had a heart to heart and I decided that it would work. If I wouldn't have made that choice in vain he could be alive. If I would have just given him up a week earlier.

I'm such an animal killer. I killed my fish when I worked at PetsMart, my hamster died after I only had her for a year and a half, and now Cadence. Everyone better watch out, it'll be a person next. I know I'm probably exaggerating, but right now, this is just how I feel.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Friday, April 14, 2006

I thought this was fun

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

My future and "taking different paths"

I have been researching graduate schools for nursing (even though I won't graduate for another 2 years). Most of the ones I have found require experience, but I have found one in San Diego that doesn't, and they have a Pediatric Program, but lately I've been researching Family Care instead. I'm pretty optimistic about this school. They are ranked in the top 10% of Graduate Nursing Programs. Here is the link if one would like to check it out for themselves:

I've been trying to figure out why I like California, and here are the only reasons I can come up with. I want to be somewhere that is beautiful (the coast or mountains), warm, and populated. I love the fact that it will be so diverse, and there are going to be little authentic restaurants in remote areas, that I have to know Spanish (I'll have a better motivation to learn it), and I can walk to the beach from the campus! I'm not scared for my safety because if one takes the proper precautions it will be okay. But, I'm not too sure about the weather and how hot it actually gets in the summer, and it seems like an important person in my life would rather me not move there.

I'm getting frustrated with that aspect, and I know what I should do, but why can't I? do I think that maybe I'll find some renowned college in an area that I want to be? Am I just being very quick to make a decision even though it is how many years away? But right now I'm experiencing things with him that I don't ever want, and I wonder how it has come to this? Have I allowed it too much? Yes. But am I the one in the wrong? Am I just over analyzing a few minor things like name calling and ego bashing and lack of enthusiasm? Am I just in search of a person who I can dominate? NO. I already had that and obviously it didn't work. I just feel so confused some times when he is a jerk. And this isn't something new. I don't like the way he flipped out over very small things, apologized and said that he would never be like that again, but now I can see that coming through? Am I just wanting to see it? Am I anticipating it? Why dont' I want to make Easter dinner any more?

I was so excited to make turkey and maybe a ham and truly mashed potatoes and a cheesecake and deviled eggs and steamed brocoli and cauliflower with cheese sauce. ( I didn't know what else to do for a vegetable.) I was even going to try my luck with gravy. My mom used to make it a lot, and I remember how she did it, you take the drippings from whatever it is that you cooked, thin it out with a little bit of water, add flour or cornstarch and whisk like crazy until you have the consistency you want (of course thinning or thickening as needed). But, I didn't feel the desire from him. Damn it, can't I once have something that is important to me and even if you don't want it pretend like you do? Have you forgotten my birthday already? Thanks.

I think it would be the best decision to take different paths with you. I don't even know what I'm waiting for. Maybe for you to treat me better. My actions towards you are a direct reflection of how you are to me. I understand that this may be just creating a cycle, but how can I try if you dont'? Anyways, back to San Diego. I don't really know what I want to ultimately do. I do want to be able to have my own business, and I forgot to mention that you can get an MSN/MBA from this school. This school fits me so much it is almost frightening. I was thinking about going there next spring break to check it out. That way I can learn about the setting (as was the case with the university in San Jose). Well, the library is going to close in approximately 7 minutes and 24 seconds, and they'll kick me out. Hopefully the SUB is open.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A J-O-B that finally came through!

I finally got a job (well, a good paying one at least). I'll make 12/hour starting with a raise after a month. At least 40 hour work weeks with how many weeks in the summer? I figured it out earlier to about 5K for the entire summer plus p/t once school starts but I miscalculated by a lot. I will make at least $8, 000 for the whole summer after taxes! I'm pumped because then I can pay off my awesome camera, save up some money for travelling, and save for when I have to move. I am so ecstatic right now, one would might probably think that I already have the money in my pocket. The only draw back to this is that it might hurt my financial aid package. I think I'll still fall well below the line since I'm considered as an independent student. (Long story.) Nate said I should apply for a job at the local pawn shop because 'it would be easy.' And insanely boring, not to mention dangerous and I would pull my hair out trying to deal with the people that stereotypically visit them (drug addicts). I don't think I'm racist, sexist, narcist, or any of the other -ists, but I do have an extreme prejudice against druggists. Okay, I've drug you way off the beaten path... hahaha get it drug!

Oh did I mention that this job would be outside? Pulling weeds, planting flowers, trimming shrubs (it's about time I get skilled in that profession), and arranging flower pots. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) Okay, thats enough, time to FOCUS on school and this awesome 6-8 page philosophy research paper that is due on monday.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Hikin' the "M" and other news

So, I finally did it. I hiked up the M trail. For those of you who aren't familiar with Bozeman or mountain communities, they put big letters up signifying the name of the town, in our case, there is a big M on the side of the mountain that stands for "Montana State College" (it was later changed to the current name of M.S. University). Rumor has it that there is a "B" for Bozeman somewhere, but I have yet to see it. But, back to the story. The very first week that I ever came out to Montana, Tony and I had tried to hike the M trail, but only got less than half way up and were panting. We gave up, and I gave up trying again because it had kicked my butt. I think the altitude change played a major factor in why we couldn't hike this relatively easy trail.

But this afternoon, Nate and I hiked it with Cadence (pictures to follow soon). Man it was a breeze! I could not believe how much easier it had been this time around and it isn't because I'm in better shape physically just cardiovascularly. It is kind of wierd being at the M and seeing how small it actually is. From a distance, the thing looks huge! I would say that it is shorter than a two-story building.

In other interesting information, school is going to end soon. :' ( (Don't be fooled, those are not tears of sadness.) I'm ready to start my actual nursing training. I feel kind of like a poser because I haven't done anything yet. I know it will come sooner than I imagine, though. It is kind of weird because a lot of the people I started school with are going to graduate either this semester or next. It is okay though because I don't have nearly as much debt than if I wouldn't have gained MT residency and stayed "on track." I'm also excited for next semester because I'm taking two extra classes along with my first clinicals that seeem to be very interesting. One, a sign language course (Signing Exact English) is being offered for the very first time, but it teaches you up to the level that most school teachers need to have. This is something that I've always wanted to be able to do. I was actually considering going to Great Falls for U.D. because they have an elementary school for the deaf, and their hospital is more pediatric centered. (Too bad the town is so crappy and flat.) The other course I'm taking is History of War, Vietnam Era. Another one of those 300 level courses (junior standing) that 'requires' prereqs that I don't have, but I was still able to register for it. I'm debating taking this course for audit because I"m going to have 17 credits, and I would like to do well in my nursing classes. I have found that if I have a very hectic schedule, I stay on task easier and get more studying done than if I have a pansy 12 credits.

That stupid J-O-B word. Well, I didn't get that pharmacy tech spot, but then I had an in to a medical receptionist job, and a lady applied with experience, so I didn't get that job, but the doctors/owners who interviewed me said that come September when they start more research/testing with new flu vaccines they will call me up. So, I applied for another excellent job as a gardener/nursery help. Starting pay is 12/hour with a raise after a month, and an end of season bonus for .50/hour if you stay throughout the season. I find out tomorrow whether I got that job or not. I currently am working (very sporadically) for the Hampton Inn as a laundry folder. I actually like it. I'm supposed to be there to do some new type of bedding they were supposed to have in a freakin' month ago.

Pool: :' ( That is a tear of sadness. We played our big end of season tournament to see if we could get a paid trip to Las Vegas, and we lost. I played some really good pool. (Okay, there were obviously some bad shots, but overall, I did really well.) It was so close. We ended up having to play the team three times. Once in the semifinals, and twice at the final match because they had to beat us twice since we hadn't lost. I should have made my last shot on my last game. I know we would have been up more if I had, and it could have been easier, actually, I really blame myself a lot. It was an easy out. Two freakin balls with ball in hand. TWO BALLS! Made one, didn't make the one that mattered, the 8. I guess I should be a little easier on myself because this was my very first year of playing in league. I think that I will be that much better by next year, but that does me little good because I will be in Missoula for half of it! Anyways, on a side note of pool, the best male player in the state of Montana asked me to be his partner for a mixed doubles tournament. Holy cow! I honestly didn't know what to say when he asked because I didn't want to upset him... (the case of Nate and all of the tournaments we played in together) if I didn't play well. But I said yes thinking he knows what he is dealing with.

I have to do what I came to do in the library, study. I have a music theory test tomorrow. It will be easy, but I don't know which chords have certain accidentals, so I'll have to memorize them.