Tuesday, December 12, 2006

My monthly contribution is well overdue

Ah, here I am in the midst of finals week. I am strange...I studied for my first final that was today, Tuesday, and I feel like I totally bombed it. However, I needed to get 20 points out of 60 wrong to drop my grade to a B. Since each question was one point, that is 20 questions wrong. I don't think I did that bad, but it is possible. I also felt like I was exteremly irritable during the entire ordeal. I was very easily flustered by people (coming in late, phones vibrating, retard tapping his fingers loudly, and just rustling). This normally doesn't happen, but it might be the result of being in a different, smaller, classroom. Oh well. I'll find out within the next couple days to see if I got an A for the class.

I have another tomorrow, and I have to get 15 questions or more wrong to drop my grade. I feel like I know the information, but that is what I thought going into my first one. This class seems more straight forward, though...I have to define normal limits... has anyone ever tried this? Try it, you'll have fun and pull a couple hairs out in the process. On a side note, I'm watching CMT's 100 Greastest Love Songs before I go to bed. I am a sucker. In case you would like to know Garth Brooks's Unanswered Prayers is number 6, and Lonestar's Amazed was number 7. Wow... Garth Brooks is getting old (maybe it wasn't him performing) ....numba 5... Conway Twitty's Hello Darlin'. Well, for my last final on Thursday, I can get 20 questions, 40 points wrong and still get an A. I am writing this in hopes that I can convince myself that I will be fine, but I'm still stressing out about them. Why? I have no clue. I do realize this, though, I can't wait to relax. I'm going to drink, play pool, and be merry on Saturday, maybe go to the Hot Springs one of the nights this weekend, and breathe. 4~ Randy Travis~ Forever and Ever Amen. Where the heck is Josh Turner? He has a very sexy voice, he can whisper sweet nothings in my ear whenever he wants. I am having a hard time seeing all of the country stars that I grew up with (my mom always listened to these guys) get old. I remember their youthful faces on the covers of their CD's. Randy Travis in his sepia/antique photo was one among many of my first crushes.

I know I'm all over here, but, this is more for me than for you. And, I'm not sorry. I have been employed by LC Staffing for the past month and have been working at First Interstate Bank as a filer/paper filler outer extraordinaire. I like it, it requires absolutely no brain power at all! They invited me to their Christmas party at the Rib and Chop House in Livingston. The Rib and Chop House is a very, very nice (and expensive) steak house in Montana. I had wanted to eat there many times, but it has always just been too expensive. I had the most succulent sponge of Ribeye I have ever tasted. OH MY GOD this steak was absolutely fantastic and perfect! I ordered it medium, and it was thick, and it was just as pink as Nate's medium-rare, and just as perfect. I'm drooling over here just thinking about it, if this post stops midstream, it is because my keys are flooded. 3~Patsy Cline's Sweet Dreams... however, the original seems better, only because it is more familiar. Anyways, if anyone ever wants to find the most perfect steak, go to the Rib-n-Chop House and get the Ribeye....aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! If I wasn't trying to save money for a road trip, I would say I'm returning soon, but that expense is not necessary. I could try to cook one like that... it might happen.

Oh yeah, my job... I work with the Financial Services Dept. so I am learning a lot about IRAs, CDs, 401K mumbo-jumbos. My boss gave me, Smart Women Finish Rich, and I've gotten past the introduction. Hopefully I can finish it during the break. I want to and I want to open a Roth IRA, but I might need my extra money when I move. That's why I'm going to create a better budget and stick to it. 2~Willie Nelson's Always on My Mind.

It is almost 11 p.m., and I have a final at 12 tomorrow afternoon. I'm sticking around for number one, though. But... I'm going to post this and you'll have to wait until I post again (who knows when that will be).

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Midterms WERE when?!

I guess this milestone has already passed. I can't really believe it, but I am very excited at the same time. There are a lot of pool tournaments coming up for November that I'm going to play in. One is Nov 3,4,5 it is the MT Billiards Congress of America (BCA) State Tournament. Last year at this tourney, there was a lot of drama. This year is going to be a lot better. And, I'm going to play a lot better. Last year I went 1-2. I keep having these illusions of grandeur and I think I will finally step it up, but I must be putting too much pressure on myself because I never follow through.

The other one I'm going to play in is a Women's doubles tourney on Nov 11. I'm pretty ble to do this class, anexcited about this one, too. The girl I'm playing with is a lot of fun, and she is a great shot.

Finally, the last one is going to be a huge tourney the weekend after Thanksgiving. People will come from all over (Canada, Salt Lake, Washington) to play in it. My only goal for this tourney is to practice, practice, and practice some more for it. Which could prove to be a little difficult considering I have a test or major paper due every week from here on out.

I should be doing a little bit better with school, though, because I dropped my sign language class. (It isn't completely official, yet, I still need my instructor's signature.) I feel like a big piece; I've never dropped a class before. It is lame. I should be ad I could if I dropped everything else in my life. But is that life? Aren't I supposed to want to enjoy the moment with some but not too many other obligations? I think I was stressing about it because I want to get good grades for graduate school, and now I can feel less guilty about spending the time that I need to on those classes and neglecting that one. Well, speaking of that I should get back to studying.

Friday, September 15, 2006

"I go a walkin' after midnight..."

Whoa, no posts for August, I am a slacker. Here is a run down of my final days of freedom (from school). I worked until the 11th of August. After that, I began walking more dogs at the shelter, which was very enjoyable. It is amazing to see the amount of joy I can bring to a pup just by taking it for a walk. It, like most owned dogs, will probably only get out once a week, but that one time means everything to it. It doesn't care about its shitty life inside of a sweltering outdoor pen as long as it can get out, if even just once a week. Ah! There's so many smells, so many sights, so many places to pee, and so little time to do everything before the walker has to bring the dog back. I walked this super sweet golden retriever, Annie. She was my favorite. She just wanted to be pet and loved on, and that was it. She would sit in her cage, leaning against the door, waiting for anyone to come by and give her a couple loving scratches. Her previous owners gave her up because she was timid (probably from mistreatment), and went through a plate glass door during a thunderstorm. Once she was out of the kennel, though, she was courageous, full of life, and very well mannered. After several months at the shelter she was finally adopted, she's not back yet, so that's a good sign. Another favorite is Bart, a 2 yr old black Lab. He is nuts when you first get him going! He just wants to go go go go go go. Therefore, we go for really long walks, to settle all of his crazy energy. Since school started, I haven't been able to go that often because it is really demanding this year.

I'll get more on that later, because I'm going to bed for the night.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Snow in summer

I have been waiting to post these pictures... for what, I have no clue, spare time maybe? The first is a cacti pot that I potted for my dad for his birthday. The next are pictures of a major pollen storm. The night we got back from Las Vegas this stuff was all over the yard and I couldn't tell if it was snow because it was so white and thick. I was wearing sandals and was nervous to step on it. I found this in the morning. Pretty interesting.

This last picture is one of my sister and niece, Shiori. I can't believe the luck of this picture. I had been taking a lot, and this is by far the best one.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

First day of summer!

... but where did June go? I have taken a couple 'quizzes' online for fun this one says what 'cliquue' i belonged to in high school. About the omputer nerd thing, journalism work was mostly done on computers, either fixing pictures, doing layouts, writing text, finding (more like being shown) all kinds of different dorky things on the internet (strong man and 'big boys' {they both sound like corny porns to me}). The punk thing I didn't really understand, I would have said stoner or rocker instead of a punker. I guess having moshed and liking mohawks gives you a certain image that isn't what I had in mind. (Actually I don't really like mohawks, but the choice was either you hate em, you love 'em or are in the middle some where. I personally think they are an attention seeking device but this is a girl who died her hair hot pink for a concert once. That was fun...)

Speaking of concerts (being as it is the season!), I'm going to tell a story. Emily, Wes, and I were going to go to X-Fest 2002 in Somerset. Emily wanted me to do her hair up in yarn braids (the very first and last time I ever did it), so we started around........... midnight... maybe it was the middle of the day, I can't really remember, anyways, we started them on Thursday partied throughout the night at Wes's parents house, (continuing to braid) and all throughout the day on Friday. Emily was getting so upset because it was taking so long, and it probably hurt really bad, and she wouldn't let me stop. But she wanted them to look good, and they were kind of long. So, I had been braiding for at least 12 hours; we got to Somerset in the late afternoon and we were still going at it, Wes snapped a picture of us after we snuck into the campgrounds and settled in with some Keystones. (Don't ask me how two girls one with bright blue yarn hair can sneek into the 'campground' at Floatrite...) But this picture so accurately described the mood... I was sitting on the top of the picnic table Emily right below me, she has the sourest look on her face, more like a pout, beer in hand, and I was gleaming right above her. I can't believe I was able to keep my cool with her for so long, it was probably because we had drank so much and that we were finally there, going to listen to some fucking awesome bands. Once we finally finished her hair, on the way over to the amphitheater, we ran into Lagon from Sevendust and got our picture taken with him and he commented on Emily's hair. It was pretty sweet.

After the show, Emily and I were partying with the other guys at the campsite and whoever wandered through. Wes was pissed off about this because we rode down with him and he wanted us to go to be, but we didn't want to, we came there to party and have fun. So, we said fuck it and let him be pissed off, and he was threatening to leave in the morning, and we kind of thought that he was joking, but no, he was telling the truth. So, Saturday morning rolled around Wes took off, left us there with a bunch of guys we had just really met, but that option was definitely more appealling than wasting a 60 dollar ticket and going home.

more to come later.

You scored as Geek/Nerd. Haha! ok. go computer geeks!







Emo Kid














What Highschool Clique Do You Belong To?
created with

Sunday, May 28, 2006

BCA Championships

Well, there she is, Jasmine Ouschan, (pronounced ocean). She played really well, and obviously was rewarded for her efforts. She had an awesome break, but missed maybe two safeties against Allison which cost her two games, but A.F. also made only a couple mistakes, and Jasmine used them to her advantage. I think she is going to stay in the BCA league and prosper for quite a while. I guess she is pretty famous around the world except the USA. If you are interested (and you should be!), you can watch the final game on ESPN on July 16 has more information.

This is Allison Fisher. Still one of my favorites even though she lost.

In other pool information, my uncle's team placed second in the Men's Open Team Division in Las Vegas. A major feat, considering there were many teams... I'm not sure of the exact number.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Catching up

I have a lot of stuff I want to write about. My trip to vegas; seeing my sister's new baby, watching the Ice Princess squash the Duchess of Doom, only getting carded once, the crown vic, and anything else that I can think of... the stay in Billings for hours. I am going to try and make this and a story about the awesome run-off falls into more of a photo journalistic piece. Although, I don't have any picts of the ice princess, but i suppose i can find some. She is beautiful, and she is a beautiful player. Absolutely amazing, actually! That's it for now, I'm waiting to go into work, it is freezing cold at big sky and there is no way I'm going to have anything to do until it warms up. Heck, I probably won't even then, but I'lll still be making money. I have tomorrow off, hopefully I can get my stories posted then.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

How much is too much?

This question seems to be the most difficult for Americans in a wide variety of applications. But what about schooling? I came down from my University of San Diego inspired cloud nine to check out the tuition/fees. Tuition alone is 1000 per credit. PER CREDIT! With a required 42 credits that um equals...... about 42,000! Just for tuition. But, I still want to go there. I really want a change of climate. I'm kind of getting sick of the cold. I've been in it for a mere 20 years. But is Forty-Two Thousand Dollars too much to pay for schooling? I figure I'll have around that much just from school here at MSU. But, once I'm done with school with a Master Practioner's License, I hope that I could afford that. And, in relation to some other schools that I am considering, it is pretty comprable. For instance, Hawai'i is 520/credit, but the cost of living would most likely make up for the difference. I don't want to go to Oregon, and Flagstaff, AZ doesn't have the program that I want to take, neither does San Diego State University.

So, how much is too much for a dream?

Sunday, April 30, 2006

There I was...

...answering a question on Yahoo! Answers about the best date I had that was outdoors. And now I don't want to forget it, I don't think I ever would, but still. It was a beautiful summer day and I rode with a friend on their motorcycle to Lake Superior. (As a side note I used to ride with him quite a bit, sometimes late at night, and I would fall asleep. No joke. Scares the crap out of me now to think that I did that.) Anyways, we went somewhere next to Grand Marais and climbed up a cliff on the side of the road overlooking the lake. There was a rest stop next to the road, but it was in such a bad location that you can't really see anything besides a small beach. From the top of the cliff the view was amazing. You could probably see the Apostle Islands on a super clear day with good vision from up there.

That night was also amazing. We found an abandoned shack on Lake Superior and set up camp. I ended up going out and sitting on the lake for a long time getting mentally caught up in the waves and stars. It was weird, if you stared at the waves long enough it seemed to look like you were moving on the rocks into the waves and not the waves into the rocks. (I promise I was not on drugs.) The stars were also amazing, there were so many and it was so clear. Even though the moon was out, you could still see pretty well. I have a lot of good memories of the North Shore, Duluth, concerts in Somerset, getting stuck there and not caring, and of course concerts in the Twin Cities. Man compared to my life back then, it is boring now. And who's fault is that? Montana's. Nah, I'm just down and out right now, but I don't do anything like I used to. Heck I hardly ever even go out and drink. Most likely because I don't have a lot of extra cash, and drinking isn't that fun anyways, you feel like crap afterwards, not to mention all of the legalities that are associated with it. Maybe I just need to find a good outdoor concert and go.

I guess when Tony was out here we roamed around little. We would find random trails that go up into the woods and we would take a ton of road trips. I think I'll write about my trip to Somerset with Emily and Wes that ended up really funky next. I have to do some homework, though.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

School, isn't the point to want to get out?

I have recently been intrigued by a profession that lies not too far from my current track of study. Problem is I want to do both. I know I have the time and drive to do both, but who continually wants to stay in school? When I visualize my future all I see are textbooks, libraries, cheap capaccinos from the corner mini-mart (now the Loaf-n-Jug), financial debt, and always learning something. But I'm okay with this! As odd as I may be, right now I'm not burned from school, and I like it. I like learning new things, and I love when I can take those things I've learned and apply them to the 'real' world.

Even though my courses right now don't really seem to be that appicable, they kind of are. My least applicable, Lifespan of Human Development, doesn't count because I've already learned similar but better applicable lesson in the other class I took like it. Even philosophy I can apply it to when I'm being extremely lazy and watching TV. I can find the trends we studied and the consequences they have. Yeah, one could do this without spending $400+ for a class, but would you really be able to argue it?

Where was I going?

I just like to learn things and it makes me feel like I am on the cutting edge. It makes me feel like nothing can get in my way without me knowing what it is I'm dealing with and how to deal with it. Yeah, sure, somethings don't always turn out for the best but at least I'll have known that I had the knowledge and did everything that I could have. What's wrong with that? On the news today was a story about a guy who has been going to school for 12 years for a bachelor's degree. I don't see what's wrong in going to school that long for two master's or a master's and a doctorate.


"Man, just let me sleep"

"I can't hear you"

"May I help you?"

We put his ear in a splint in hopes that it would stand up like the other one. We took it out the next day and it eventually stood up, but then the other folded over. When he wasn't lazy or really focusing on something they would both stand up. It was so cute. Little Radar Dog.

These picks were taken when he was about 10/11 weeks old. When he was 13 weeks, he was starting to get a mohawk of dark fur down the top of his head to his back, and the other fur lightened up. On his shoulders he was also starting to show white fur in the rich black fur, it made him look like a porcupine.

Monday, April 24, 2006

The pup

In March, Nate got us a puppy from New Mexico, a beautiful German Shepherd. Even though he was a little timid from the beginning, he eventually warmed up and gained self confidence. He was a little rascal most times when we were together, always trying to bite my arm off or run laps in the house. I took him for walks and adventures to the duck pond where he involuntarily swam once, and of course to Cooper Park where he loved to play with all of the other dogs. He was so handsome. His markings were starting to show much better and his coat was sleek and ever so soft. But he died last night.

I haven't been able to stop crying since this morning when the vet called to tell me that he didn't make it through the night. 12 hours of balling. Nate joked and said that if I keep crying my eyes would swell shut. I just don't get it, yesterday morning and Saturday night he was perfectly fine. He was bouncing off the walls even though we went for three walks on Saturday, and Sunday morning was the same story. Sunday I brought him to Nate's and hung out for a while, around 3 I went home for two hours, two lousy hours, I came back and something was not right with him. He was very unresponsive and very lethargic. I checked his gums and they were paper white. We called the vet almost immediately and I brought him in. He puked and collapsed at the vet's office. The vet checked him and thought that he might have Parvo because of the lethargy and vomiting. The white gums and decreased body temp. weren't clasic signs of it, though. She checked his blood and found that it had really high levels of some thing released by the liver. The normal range was up to 200. His was 2000. A sign of some sort of toxicity.

I held his head in my arms when they drew blood and then when they were doing the testing. He was so soft still, all he wanted to do was stay in my arms.

I was so optimistic he was going to pull through. I was 99% certain it was just a weird occurence and through proper treatment at the vet's he was going to be Cadence again.

The vet said that he smelled of onions this morning and if he had eaten any rotten onions, that could have surely attributed to his death. Who knew onions were such a danger to dogs? Who knew I was such a danger to him? I should have kept him on the leash more and cleaned out the garden and have been even sterner about him not eating things he wasn't probably supposed to have. I didn't even say good bye to him because I figured I would be able to see him again. I thought at the very worst they would call me in to review further options for some sort of treatment. Not that he would die overnight.

I also feel guilty because I had thought about giving him up. Nate didn't really want him anymore since he was a little afraid of him still. And I thought that I couldn't really care for him the way he needed to be. Cadence and I had a heart to heart and I decided that it would work. If I wouldn't have made that choice in vain he could be alive. If I would have just given him up a week earlier.

I'm such an animal killer. I killed my fish when I worked at PetsMart, my hamster died after I only had her for a year and a half, and now Cadence. Everyone better watch out, it'll be a person next. I know I'm probably exaggerating, but right now, this is just how I feel.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Friday, April 14, 2006

I thought this was fun

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

My future and "taking different paths"

I have been researching graduate schools for nursing (even though I won't graduate for another 2 years). Most of the ones I have found require experience, but I have found one in San Diego that doesn't, and they have a Pediatric Program, but lately I've been researching Family Care instead. I'm pretty optimistic about this school. They are ranked in the top 10% of Graduate Nursing Programs. Here is the link if one would like to check it out for themselves:

I've been trying to figure out why I like California, and here are the only reasons I can come up with. I want to be somewhere that is beautiful (the coast or mountains), warm, and populated. I love the fact that it will be so diverse, and there are going to be little authentic restaurants in remote areas, that I have to know Spanish (I'll have a better motivation to learn it), and I can walk to the beach from the campus! I'm not scared for my safety because if one takes the proper precautions it will be okay. But, I'm not too sure about the weather and how hot it actually gets in the summer, and it seems like an important person in my life would rather me not move there.

I'm getting frustrated with that aspect, and I know what I should do, but why can't I? do I think that maybe I'll find some renowned college in an area that I want to be? Am I just being very quick to make a decision even though it is how many years away? But right now I'm experiencing things with him that I don't ever want, and I wonder how it has come to this? Have I allowed it too much? Yes. But am I the one in the wrong? Am I just over analyzing a few minor things like name calling and ego bashing and lack of enthusiasm? Am I just in search of a person who I can dominate? NO. I already had that and obviously it didn't work. I just feel so confused some times when he is a jerk. And this isn't something new. I don't like the way he flipped out over very small things, apologized and said that he would never be like that again, but now I can see that coming through? Am I just wanting to see it? Am I anticipating it? Why dont' I want to make Easter dinner any more?

I was so excited to make turkey and maybe a ham and truly mashed potatoes and a cheesecake and deviled eggs and steamed brocoli and cauliflower with cheese sauce. ( I didn't know what else to do for a vegetable.) I was even going to try my luck with gravy. My mom used to make it a lot, and I remember how she did it, you take the drippings from whatever it is that you cooked, thin it out with a little bit of water, add flour or cornstarch and whisk like crazy until you have the consistency you want (of course thinning or thickening as needed). But, I didn't feel the desire from him. Damn it, can't I once have something that is important to me and even if you don't want it pretend like you do? Have you forgotten my birthday already? Thanks.

I think it would be the best decision to take different paths with you. I don't even know what I'm waiting for. Maybe for you to treat me better. My actions towards you are a direct reflection of how you are to me. I understand that this may be just creating a cycle, but how can I try if you dont'? Anyways, back to San Diego. I don't really know what I want to ultimately do. I do want to be able to have my own business, and I forgot to mention that you can get an MSN/MBA from this school. This school fits me so much it is almost frightening. I was thinking about going there next spring break to check it out. That way I can learn about the setting (as was the case with the university in San Jose). Well, the library is going to close in approximately 7 minutes and 24 seconds, and they'll kick me out. Hopefully the SUB is open.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A J-O-B that finally came through!

I finally got a job (well, a good paying one at least). I'll make 12/hour starting with a raise after a month. At least 40 hour work weeks with how many weeks in the summer? I figured it out earlier to about 5K for the entire summer plus p/t once school starts but I miscalculated by a lot. I will make at least $8, 000 for the whole summer after taxes! I'm pumped because then I can pay off my awesome camera, save up some money for travelling, and save for when I have to move. I am so ecstatic right now, one would might probably think that I already have the money in my pocket. The only draw back to this is that it might hurt my financial aid package. I think I'll still fall well below the line since I'm considered as an independent student. (Long story.) Nate said I should apply for a job at the local pawn shop because 'it would be easy.' And insanely boring, not to mention dangerous and I would pull my hair out trying to deal with the people that stereotypically visit them (drug addicts). I don't think I'm racist, sexist, narcist, or any of the other -ists, but I do have an extreme prejudice against druggists. Okay, I've drug you way off the beaten path... hahaha get it drug!

Oh did I mention that this job would be outside? Pulling weeds, planting flowers, trimming shrubs (it's about time I get skilled in that profession), and arranging flower pots. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) Okay, thats enough, time to FOCUS on school and this awesome 6-8 page philosophy research paper that is due on monday.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Hikin' the "M" and other news

So, I finally did it. I hiked up the M trail. For those of you who aren't familiar with Bozeman or mountain communities, they put big letters up signifying the name of the town, in our case, there is a big M on the side of the mountain that stands for "Montana State College" (it was later changed to the current name of M.S. University). Rumor has it that there is a "B" for Bozeman somewhere, but I have yet to see it. But, back to the story. The very first week that I ever came out to Montana, Tony and I had tried to hike the M trail, but only got less than half way up and were panting. We gave up, and I gave up trying again because it had kicked my butt. I think the altitude change played a major factor in why we couldn't hike this relatively easy trail.

But this afternoon, Nate and I hiked it with Cadence (pictures to follow soon). Man it was a breeze! I could not believe how much easier it had been this time around and it isn't because I'm in better shape physically just cardiovascularly. It is kind of wierd being at the M and seeing how small it actually is. From a distance, the thing looks huge! I would say that it is shorter than a two-story building.

In other interesting information, school is going to end soon. :' ( (Don't be fooled, those are not tears of sadness.) I'm ready to start my actual nursing training. I feel kind of like a poser because I haven't done anything yet. I know it will come sooner than I imagine, though. It is kind of weird because a lot of the people I started school with are going to graduate either this semester or next. It is okay though because I don't have nearly as much debt than if I wouldn't have gained MT residency and stayed "on track." I'm also excited for next semester because I'm taking two extra classes along with my first clinicals that seeem to be very interesting. One, a sign language course (Signing Exact English) is being offered for the very first time, but it teaches you up to the level that most school teachers need to have. This is something that I've always wanted to be able to do. I was actually considering going to Great Falls for U.D. because they have an elementary school for the deaf, and their hospital is more pediatric centered. (Too bad the town is so crappy and flat.) The other course I'm taking is History of War, Vietnam Era. Another one of those 300 level courses (junior standing) that 'requires' prereqs that I don't have, but I was still able to register for it. I'm debating taking this course for audit because I"m going to have 17 credits, and I would like to do well in my nursing classes. I have found that if I have a very hectic schedule, I stay on task easier and get more studying done than if I have a pansy 12 credits.

That stupid J-O-B word. Well, I didn't get that pharmacy tech spot, but then I had an in to a medical receptionist job, and a lady applied with experience, so I didn't get that job, but the doctors/owners who interviewed me said that come September when they start more research/testing with new flu vaccines they will call me up. So, I applied for another excellent job as a gardener/nursery help. Starting pay is 12/hour with a raise after a month, and an end of season bonus for .50/hour if you stay throughout the season. I find out tomorrow whether I got that job or not. I currently am working (very sporadically) for the Hampton Inn as a laundry folder. I actually like it. I'm supposed to be there to do some new type of bedding they were supposed to have in a freakin' month ago.

Pool: :' ( That is a tear of sadness. We played our big end of season tournament to see if we could get a paid trip to Las Vegas, and we lost. I played some really good pool. (Okay, there were obviously some bad shots, but overall, I did really well.) It was so close. We ended up having to play the team three times. Once in the semifinals, and twice at the final match because they had to beat us twice since we hadn't lost. I should have made my last shot on my last game. I know we would have been up more if I had, and it could have been easier, actually, I really blame myself a lot. It was an easy out. Two freakin balls with ball in hand. TWO BALLS! Made one, didn't make the one that mattered, the 8. I guess I should be a little easier on myself because this was my very first year of playing in league. I think that I will be that much better by next year, but that does me little good because I will be in Missoula for half of it! Anyways, on a side note of pool, the best male player in the state of Montana asked me to be his partner for a mixed doubles tournament. Holy cow! I honestly didn't know what to say when he asked because I didn't want to upset him... (the case of Nate and all of the tournaments we played in together) if I didn't play well. But I said yes thinking he knows what he is dealing with.

I have to do what I came to do in the library, study. I have a music theory test tomorrow. It will be easy, but I don't know which chords have certain accidentals, so I'll have to memorize them.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

The second set of pictures

This last one was taken at my mom's wedding. It is my favorite picture of her and Rob. It amazes me that she found such a wonderful man after all of these years. I am so happy for both of them.

Friday, March 10, 2006

F.Gump had it wrong...

Life is like a sheet of bubble wrap. You experience people and events in life and they either pop and make a big hole or else they just kind of fizzle and make you think they are dead, and when you are searching for another bubble they make you think that they are whole, but they aren't. Those ones that fizzled just keep coming back to a kind of conciousness, but never whole again. So, which is better? Something that is resilient and even though it may never spring back to life completely, it is still 'trying,' or the things that make a big pop in your life, and the others are parasidic. They make you believe they are full of life, but in actuality they aren't.

On a side note, I have more pictures to load, but they keep saying there is an error, but the info about the pictures are the same as the ones that did load. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Jackson Hole Pics


Finished 7/8th out of 21

I’ve talked about one of my loves considerably more than the others. This is not because I prefer one over the others; I just have felt more for it at the time. Last weekend, 3-5-07, I played in a pool tournament at the school. There were 19 guys and two girls, myself included. My first game was against a guy that I hadn’t seen around the Rec Center, Jeremiah, a banger. I didn’t play that well because I was so focused on not letting someone like that beat me. I know that I’m better than him. But, I lost my first match. Most of the tournaments I play in are double elimination, if you lose once, you are on the “losers” side and play until you lose again, then you’re out. It is nice, but you have to work even harder because once you are on the losers side, your mental game has to be so much stronger because you feel the threat of gasp being eliminated from the tourney. After I played Mr. Banger, I played a guy named B.J., a decent shot, but we kept having the 9 by the pockets so it was very distracting. I won, and then I played Hing, a friend of mine that is a great pool player. I don’t really know how I won against him. Because he should have no problem running a 9-ball rack, but he was having some minor difficulties. Next I played Mark, again, a very good shot. I shot well, but, again, I know that he should also have no problems running racks. Then I played Brent. I was up 3-0 and then it came down to the last game (it was a race to five wins). I had an easy combo on the 9, and I didn’t execute it properly. But it was the only shot I had, so, I didn’t make a bad decision as I’ve been known to make in the past, I just missed, and he won. Oh well.

When I play pool with my Women’s league team, I get to be ‘mentored’ by the best pool player in the state of Montana, Jane Plant. Jane has been trying to teach us the importance of knowing your ability and talking yourself into thinking that it doesn’t matter if we lose. Sure it may hurt our egos, but that is not what is important, you are not a “loser” just because you lost one match or game. You are also not a winner if you win. You played well, probably made some mistakes (everyone does), and kept your cool. I’ve found that to be the most helpful. After you miss a shot, you leave it at the table. Oh well. That is just something you have to work on next time. Pool comes much more easily to those that don’t push it.

This is where I have a little bit of problem with this philosophy. I don’t think that things should be waited on. I think you should actively pursue what you want. What is wrong with wanting to beat someone because you know you deserve it more than they do? But, I understand in how having that mindset that you have to win or else…can put too much pressure on you and you will ultimately fail. But, look at all the people it does work for. I suppose, though, one can actively pursue it in other ways. They can practice.

In ending, I am proud of what I did, but I’m not going to brag about it. (Not like Joel when he beat me left-handed.) I will play it off, but always remember how I did it. I kept a steady rhythm, I dared to take “low percentage shots,” safeties were a last option (I know I can also run tables, you have to be aggressive in that sense), and I wasn’t aggressive in thinking that I couldn’t lose to a certain player or that a certain player was going to beat me. I let go.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

"I'd rather be dreaming..."

This morning, I woke up in the most amazing dream. I had driven back to Minnesota and stayed there for a couple days, and my mom and Rob had arranged for me to get a ride back with one of their friends that had a semi but it was closer in size to a bigger motor home with all the stuff taken out inside. I rode back with him on the same road I drove there, (much, much different from the actual road), but this time it was different. The scenery was absolutely astonishing. The trees had white barks but brilliantly colored leaves. Leaves of yellow, red, orange, purple, green. It wasn't far from the truth, but their shape and intensity of color were much different. There was this one tree that looked like a giant flower almost, it had leaves that were the size of small cars, and they had strategic holes in them, and they would open and close in the shape of a flower. On the other side of the road were mountains of all different shapes and colors, there were really tall, skinny trees behind the mountains, so tall, I couldn't see the tops. There was also a house being built in the middle of a swamp. The house was going to be huge, but it was right on a swamp... The house was Tyveked in some parts, and a skeleton in others.

What is strangest to me is how can my brain create these images that I have never seen? How in the world does it create a gigantic tree that opens and closes in a color scheme that are impossible for me to even recreate now? To me, the brain is so amazing. When I was studying it in A&P, I thought it to be neat how we can look at every other organ in our body and see and imagine how it works, but the brain is just one mass with folds, creases, and 2 different matters. I know they say it is electrical and chemical triggers, but how in the world do they work? Even the Na/K pump can be seen, and it is an electrical pump... Anyways, it just amazes me, and I can't understand it, and I don't know if anyone really does. They have theories and ideas, but nothing absolutely certain. And that whole garbage about losing brain cells is b.s. because your brain is so plastic, it can find ways to recover. Granted there are extreme cases, but if you are smart about it, your brain will continue to work just fine if not better. FYI, we read about a girl who lost half of her brain when she was young, but to this day, she still functions exactly like a person with a whole brain.

Monday, February 13, 2006

When I grow up

This may be a bit of a pipe dream, but this is how most of my ideas start out, and it isn't that unrealistic. Since I am a nursing student, I really want to go to these countries that the U.S. has ruthlessly invaded and destroyed and help the people that were hurt by their actions. The U.S. military obviously doesn't give a shit, other wise they would have already done something. I know that what the 'insurgents' are doing in retaliation of U.S. forces isn't right and our soldiers are only looking out for their best interest, but that doesn't mean innocent lives should suffer. I am sick of seeing these images of people in hospitals (if you can even call them that) laying on a bed waiting to die without any compassion. Isn't ones life supposed to be filled with love and care even up to their death, if not especially so? I have found something that I can do. It does seem a bit unrealistic just because of the current political/military situations, but this is really what I want to do. I don't want to stay here changing Depends. I don't want to become a 'lifer' right out of college. Damn it, I want to do something productive. I want to help people who truly need it. I want to become Mother Ashlee. (Minus all of that religious affiliation garbage.)

OKAY, after finding out some more information, I learned that we do actually help some of the civilians and even insurgents. Kudos to the military. I apologize for being ignorant.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Jackson Hole 1/20-22/06

First let me start by saying they had a ton of snow. I have never seen snowbanks that high. Even last year when I went to Heavenly after 19 feet of snow dumped on them, the banks weren't this high. If your car spun out of control, it would be okay because the snow banks would act as bumpers and keep you safe (relatively).

Riding in J.H. was a lot different from the usual Big Sky scene because the snow was so different. The snow at Big Sky is notorious for being called "champagne powder" because it is so light and fluffy. Jackson's snow is heavy, but in the morning it was definitely well worth it! As the day progressed and the runs got tracked out, it got a little trickier trying to get down the mountain. (I guess I have a disadvantage learning how to ride in a state that has a max vert of 500 and the only snow it ever sees is the stuff with bacteria mixed in that comes out of some strange looking fans.) That is fine because I am learning better techniques now. I will admit it is very frustrating at times because I've already worked hard at learning how five years ago! I know it will be in my best interest once I finally am able to conquer deep tracked out powder fields.

Okay, I've strayed away from my weekend. I had a blast. I brought my homework with even though I think I looked at it once (maybe twice). We got pretty drunk on Friday night (I had some awesome Margaritas at a laid back nonsmoking bar with live acoustic music), rode Jackson Hole Saturday, ate some excellent fajitas, drank a little, and passed out. Sunday we watched the bronco/steelers game... yea : P And drove home. We were going to ride some backcountry on Sunday, but it was cold and we were slackers. (There is plenty of accessible backcountry in Montana. Although, it is a little scary because of avalanches and I don't have a beacon or transceiver.) Growing up in Minnesota I really didn't think that avalanches could happen in the lower 48. In my mind they had they same existance level as the Loch Ness Monster and earthquakes in south western Montana. Even though they can be a freak occurence, they are common. (Both earthquakes and avalanches, I'm not to sure about Nessie any more.)

Before riding at Jackson, I bought a new board, an 155 Atlantis Lily. I love this board. What was I thinking riding on a 151?!

New Job : )

I am very excited for a new job as a Pharmacy Technician (In Training). It isn't for certain yet, and it would only be a temporary fill-in while another person is away on a leave of abscence. But, I think this to be an awesome opportunity to get some experience and I will have a non-commital chance to see if this is what I want to focus on doing as a part-time job. (Not to mention the pay can be great once I become certified!) I am also excited to be doing something that requires a little bit of mental apptitude and I won't be a servant at my employer's discretion (as was the case when I was a nanny/maid). I also think I'll be better prepared when it comes to passing the pharm. tech. certification exam thanks to nursing classes! I knew I was digging such a deep financial hole for a good reason.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

personality disorder test

Paranoid Disorder:Low
Schizoid Disorder:Low
Schizotypal Disorder:Low
Antisocial Disorder:Low
Borderline Disorder:Low
Histrionic Disorder:Low
Narcissistic Disorder:Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:Low
Dependent Disorder:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
-- Personality Disorders --

I wanted to post this because I don't really understand how paying attention to details, spending time on a project to ensure perfection, having a high self-esteem, and having the mind set that other people can be lazy asses therefore you would rather work alone than with them can be symptoms of a disorder!! What is wrong with the imbecile who put this test together? They must be those aforementioned lazy asses who are trying to give reasons why they are so much better than people who are genuinely productive.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Problems with Current Distribution Schedules for Pandemic Vaccines

I wrote this last semester for my Microbiology class. I hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it! (My reference list is available.)

In class I have been intrigued by our studies of diseases: the prevention, the outcomes, and the impacts on society. I have been terrified some days, but I have come to a different understanding of our intimate relationship with diseases; we need them in order to thrive. Diseases, epidemics, and pandemics are a way of life, evolutionary eliminators, and should not be considered the imminent threats they disguise themselves as. I am going to try to show the balance Earth is trying to maintain in allowing for diseases, particularly the looming influenza pandemic.

The history of influenza pandemics dates back to at least the sixteenth century. The more widely known 1918 pandemic of the “Spanish flu” is believed to have originated in U.S. military bases. It spread to approximately 20 – 40 % of the world’s population killing an estimated 40 million people from complications arising from the initial influenza infection. Contrary to modern thought, the age group to suffer the most complications (and eventually deaths) was the 20-40 year olds. In other commonly known influenza pandemics, the virus mostly infected children, adolescents, and young adults; which suggests that some of the elderly had acquired immunity against it. (Sarubbi)

Today, if a pandemic were to strike, some of the groups characterized at “high risk” are: “all children aged 6 to 23 months, adults aged 65 years and older, all women who will be pregnant during the influenza season, health-care workers involved in direct patient care, and persons 2 to 64 with chronic medical conditions (Campos-Outcalt, D).” I understand both the ethical and political reasons behind this, and I don’t agree with them. According to Szucs, 37% of children below the age of 20 are infected with influenza every year. It also has been shown in several studies that vaccines given to children are highly effective in preventing the spread of the flu (Clinician Reviews & Szucs). Compared to children, only 10 % of the elderly over the age of 60 get infected. Data has also been found that “despite a 15% to 25% increase in the rate of flu vaccine coverage in the elderly during the past 25 years, mortality from influenza has remained flat over the past 20 years (Russell, J.).” Given these numbers one can conclude that the children need to be placed in the highest priority group to receive vaccines whereas vaccines for the elderly need to be limited.

It is estimated by the Center for Disease Control that the total cost of a pandemic would be around $166.6 billion. “Indirect costs of influenza can account for 80-90% of the total costs and stem largely from absenteeism and loss of work productivity (Szucs).” Being as the effectiveness of the influenza vaccine is proven to be greater among children and healthy adults, it would be more cost efficient to vaccinate those age groups more than the elderly. If you consider an extreme vaccination plan where the entire elderly population were to be vaccinated, very few young people were, and even fewer “healthy adults,” most of the deaths would occur in the working “healthy adult” range, and thus less income would be generated as a whole. Not to mention, one must also consider lost income of working families dealing with sick children. If the elderly is already not contributing to the national gross product, they are going to suffer even more if they lose their support (adults who pay taxes and provide care for the elderly). Essentially, it doesn’t make much sense to vaccinate an already dieing population, when saving the healthy is completely overlooked. The World Health Organization wants countries to stockpile enough vaccine for at least 25% of their populations. If there is such a shortfall of vaccines, one can assume that vaccine shortage distribution rules (as in the 2004-2005 season) would be put into effect.

The total U.S. population estimated to die from the pandemic is between 89,000 and 207, 000. If we look at this from a larger scale, this is just evolution in progress. The population of the entire United States of America is 297,758,039 (U.S. Census Bureau). If the maximum number of people were to die, it would only be 0.07% of the population; meaning only 7 in 10,000 people would die. In Bozeman alone, the absolute maximum number of people that would die would only be about 30. On an ethical scale, that is horrible. One person could be someone’s loved one, parent, child, etc., but, it does not justify the apparent media need to scare the public into thinking everyone is going to die. Plus, the people that will survive the pandemic will be that much stronger against any other similar virus that decides to make additional rounds.

According to Wikipedia, Online Encyclopedia, “evolution is the process by which populations of organisms acquire and pass on novel traits from generation to generation, affecting the overall makeup of the population.” If a pandemic were to hit, those who are infected and survive will essentially create a hybrid of people who will carry some immunity against any future influenza outbreak. In the influenza pandemic of 1967, it is believed that since a previous pandemic in 1957 was caused by similar viruses, “a degree of immunity may have moderated the disease (Sarubbi).” The potential H5N1 virus is evolving to better suit its needs, I think it is time humans follow the same path; therefore a pandemic would be the appropriate means for that movement.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

syriana experience

The movie Syriana has been out for a couple weeks now, and I kept pushing back the day that I would see it. I had read critiques from environmentalists about it, and they enjoyed the movie and were proud of the messages that it tried to convey. I don't really consider reviews when I'm interested in watching movies. Actually, I had even forgotten about what those critics said. Anyways, I'm straying from what I want to say.

That movie was the most touching and emotionally strong movie I have seen. Before I had watched it, I had been thinking in general why does a person have to define what they like about something in order for their feelings to be valid? Couldn't people just enjoy something for the sake of just enjoying it? Can't their feelings of pleasure just come from simple things? What makes that so fricken wrong? Thus, I've come to realize that it is okay for one to just enjoy something for the feelings of delight that it brings, but it does make more an impact if you can define what it is that you like. (Accordding to Kant, it is the lack of understanding that brings us the most pleasure when viewing art. Imagination takes over and fills in where ever the understanding lacks.)

I am reluctant in saying this because I know that there are people fighting "wars" for my supposed sake. But this is their choice and I am free to make any opinion. Okay, so if you read this take it with a grain of salt and finish reading it before you judge...actually, if you don't, you honestly aren't worth any of my time.

Even though it is claimed to be "fictional," I have never been so disgraced to be an American. I enjoyed how it chronicled different people's lives who were all intertwined but who obviously had different stakes in Iran and Iranian oil. There were the corrupt Americans (go figure), the lawyer investigating them, an FBI hit man who infiltrated Iranian groups, a young Iranian who lost work and is just trying to help support his parents who goes off to live and learn in an Islamic community, the Iranian princes who are vying for their father's position, and a consultant who is trying to optimize his company's bottom line and loses a son and almost a family in the process.

What really got me, is that even though there are people wanting to change their country for the better are killed by the Americans because they wouldn't help them. For instance (I'm totally going to ruin the movie for someone who hasn't seen it), the oldest Iranian prince who was set to inherit his father's oil wanted to rebuild his country how it used to be. He wanted to bring money back into his country and not let the Americans build bases. Classically, his jealous younger brother wanted more money and didn't want to do what his brother did, and he would allow American corruption to surround his reign. Thus, he was ultimately given the oil, but his brother was going to fight him and still do what he could. The Americans feared his power and lack of "cooperation" and killed him. Just like that. Bam, a satellite controlled bomb is sent out to kill him and his family in FUCKING COLD BLOOD.

Being an American, aren't our foundational values to better yourself through work and struggle? Aren't we to stand up for what we believe in and fight till its death fairly? Aren't we as Americans all created equally regardless of religion, race, economic standing? THEN WHY DO WE HAVE TOP POLITICIANS WHO ARE SO GREEDY THAT THEY NEED TO BE IN FACT TERRORISTS THEMSELVES?!

There is no wonder in my mind why there are people in the world who would love to see us suffer just as much as we have made others suffer. I partially respect them; for they are the ones who have the true American spirit of betterment. They know they are getting fucked and they aren't sitting down about it. They are taking a stand and actually doing something about their mistreatment than sitting back and whining about it. Those in prisons and such really have no say, but anyone that thinks torture or cruel punishment is necessary for us to learn security threats really needs to read 1984.

I guess I really haven't said what I liked about the movie. I liked how it made me feel afterward and even today. That is also what I didn't like about it. It made me have such flood of emotions, I couldn't control it. Even though the story is sad, people do die, that isn't what hit me. I am so disappointed by our greedily tactics I am disgraced to be known as an American. It feels pointless to want to help change American attitudes because there are so many people out there who don't care about where our country is heading, what we do, or why we do it. So, where does one start? This is where I'm at right now. This is what makes me so upset and moved by the movie...yes, a simple movie.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

"sushi! sushi! sush! ...mmm I smell sushi! There in that bag! I can't read! Please, Please give me what's in the bag.... chewy, nummy, healthy sushi!

Okay for the title I tried to copy the Beggin' Strips commercial. It kind of worked. It was my favorite commercial back in the day. (Most sushi isn't "smokey," so I left that part out, and most appropriately substituted for it.) In case nobody knows this, I LOVE SUSHI! But, over the course of my affection for it, I have learned that not all sushi is created equally. Take basic salmon for instance. The first time I had sushi, I was a little timid about getting something raw (my nutrition and microbiology classes both taught me what kind of organisms can live in raw food), so I got something that was smoked. A smoked philly roll. (A specialty at Dave's.) The salmon was okay, but since it was smoked, i wasn't entirely sure if I didn't like it because it was smoked or if fish didn't float my boat... Ahhh Ha Ha... get it, fish don't float my boat, eh! That was a knee slapper! Moving on... I also tried a spicy tuna roll (raw). It was pretty good, but I'm not a fan of spicy stuff. I like to taste my food for the sake of the food itself, not necessarily the spices on top.

The next time I had sushi, I had a philly in the raw...with raw salmon. Oh my gosh it was so blissful! I love that roll, and now whenever I go to Dave's I always get that. End of story.

How boring would that be though? I figured that since that was so good and I had gone out on a daring limb to try it, maybe there were other kinds that tasted even better? So, I started sampling different kinds. Started with Yellowtail, and that was again, awesome! Then I tried Shark... (I think), and it was okay. I tried cooked eel in a barbeque-like sauce, and it was okay. Then I tried was the most disgusting thing ever! It tasted like you stuck your head in a really dirty fish tank and licked the side of the glass. It was so nasty! I found out later that it is pickled, and maybe that had something to do with it. But it was so gross! If you take one thing from this post, NEVER EVER EVER EAT MACKEREL SUSHI! I was so disgusted, my stomach hurt for the rest of the evening and part of the next day. But, I wasn't entirely turned off to trying new sushi, so I got a hamachi collar one night. I figured since I liked the Yellowtail (aka Hamachi) I would like the collar. But, there is a huge difference, the hamachi collar is fried. So it is like fried fish. But it left a funky feeling in my stomach yet again.

Now, I'm afraid to say, my daring streak with sushi has ended. I know what I like, I have tried almost all the different types of fish, and in some ways I'm glad, but I'm absolutely positive that I could have lived without the mackerel. But, I always wonder, what if I felt that way about everything? What if I never tried anything new? But what if everything that I tried was horrible compared to what I know I like? Where do you draw the line? What is better? To try new things for the sake of finding something else that brings you joy? Or do you stick with the tried and true?

Oh yeah, I also tried a roll called the Bayou with spicy crawfish, and that was pretty good, but a little spicy for me. You should see me trying to dab a pin sized drop of wasabi on my rolls, it is probably hysterical. I haven't tried roe yet. (The little beads of fish eggs.) I've heard they are good, but those people also told me the collar was good. I will eventually try them, but not tonight or this month. Maybe in March I'll do it. Any other good sushi recommendations are always accepted!

Essential Snowboarding Lingo

Winter Storm Warning ~ you had better drop everything and get ready for some awesome snow! Drive carefully, and don't forget that if for some strange reason you happen to get too much snow, the mountain may be forced to close. (Actually happened at Bridger in December of 2003.)

Sick ~ "Dude, that run was so sick!" ...You have to almost be mentally sick to want to take that run. (i.e. the couloirs on face of Lone Peak).

Ski Patrol ~ These guys and gals can be your best friends when you get hurt or if you really want to know what the conditions are like in some totally "sick" parts of the mountain. But, if they catch you ducking ropes or jumping off lifts (who is retarded enough to do that anyways?) they will confiscate your pass. Who can blame them, though? They don't want to be looking for your dumb ass in the middle of a blizzard if you duck a rope and get lost, but they will because they don't get paid.

Hit the Trees ~ Not to be taken literally. One can find some awesome snow tucked in the trees if you know where to go and how to do it. I'm still learning, so I take the 'baby' tree runs. When they open up and you can glide on top of the untouched powder working your way around the obstacles, it is really sick. Although they are fun, one has to be extremely cautious of not running into the trees (for obvious reasons) or falling into them because since the snow is really deep, it will suck you in and that is how people die. It is hard to dig yourself and gear out of the snow.

The signs ~ Subconsciously, I think that the signs marking the difficulty of runs are really meant to scare away novice snow enthusiasts. If it is a green circle, it may be easy, but easy is relative. Think about it, if you saw something that was a double or triple black diamond, you probably wouldn't attempt it because you would think it to be too difficult, but how would you really know until you actually took the stinkin' run? This has happened to me. I have always been afraid of taking the tram down because it is a ooooooooohhhhhhhh black diamond, but it was a walk in the metaphorical park, and I loved it! Maybe it helped that the day's conditions were perfect and had they been otherwise, I could see it being called a black diamond run. (But then it would have to be a sheet of vertical ice with wind gusts up to 40 miles an hour...which isn't impossible, but the run would be closed anyways.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that look at these signs with a subjective p.o.v. If you think it might be too difficult don't take it, but don't be discouraged or encouraged because somebody else said it was hard or easy for them (or 'most' people).

I can't really think of any more. If anybody does have some to add write a comment!

Friday, January 13, 2006

School, school what a drool

Okay, maybe it isn't that bad, but sometimes it seems like it. I like to learn things and progress to the ultimate school goal, graduation. But right now, it seems like I'm just treading water. I have to wait to take the classes that I have to take (the nursing department is so full that they require you to take them certain semesters). I suppose that is fine because now I can take a bunch of different 'artsy' classes. For instance, I'm taking Art Fundamentals, Aesthetics and the Arts (a philosophy class), and Foundations of Music Creation. I'm also taking Lifespan Development and Beginning Golf. I'm excited for this semester. Maybe it is because I only have class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But, I am also excited to learn how to play the keyboard and I am definitely excited to take A.F. because it will allow me to take more advanced art classes next semester.

Barbeque Pulled Pork Recipe

This recipe is one of my most favorite and easiest to make. You just need the best invention ever, a crock pot!
3 lbs. pork (cubed will cook faster)
1 large onion chopped
1 or 2 green peppers chopped
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup vinegar
6 oz. can tomato paste
1/2 tbsp Chii powder
1/2 tsp red pepper (gives it a bite)
1 tsp dry mustard
2 tsp salt
2 tsp Worchestire Sauce

I usually use boneless country style pork ribs. Get a pan scorching hot, toss pork in, and sear both sides. I've heard this helps preserve the tenderness and moisture. I found it easiest to mix all of the other ingredients together before adding the pork. Once everything is in the pot, turn the heat onto high and sit back and relax...(or go to work/school). Cook it for about 4 - 5 hours. After it is cooked, take two forks and shred the meat. Stir again. Serve on hamburger buns.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Parents; Why don't we get a manual?

My dad is constantly on my case about anything. I am a good student, don't do drugs, hardly ever drink, I don't have a job, but it isn't like I'm afraid to work...actually I take that back, I do have a job, but I only work about four hours a month. However, I am a procrastinator. I have sent christmas gifts late (even though the post office told me it would get there in time). And that folks, is my big sin. I know my opinion about this, he should be happy just to get something from a broke ass college student. He returned the presents I sent him to me, and refuses to talk to me. WHAT A JACK! Everything that he has ever gotten me has been useless to me. (Even though I had asked for something much more important.)

For instance my truck, a-waiting-to-die-S-10, wanted ever so badly to be driven off a cliff in Southern Montana. My dad has known about my truck and how I needed a new vehicle for a year. So, he promised me that he would find me another vehicle. I sent him info about the most appropriate vehicle able to withstand and safely drive in a foot of fresh snow. (Pretty much an all wheel drive Subuaru Outback.) What does he do? Buys me a 1996 Corvette, and brings it to me during the end of March, beginning of April. Oh and guess what happens a week later... It snows! Big surprise there. But, before he leaves, he tells me that if I don't like it, I can do whatever I want with it. He said, if I can sell it, go right ahead. Exact words. So, I figured with the 15K from the Corvette, I could afford to buy a nice Outback. Plus, have a ton of cash left over (I wanted to start investing now.) Well, he wasn't up for that idea. (He changes his mind as much as I do.) He told me that he would sell it and find me a better car.

Well, it has been 9 months, and when I bring it up, he says he doesn't have any money right now, because he has decided to keep the car for himself as yet another toy. This wouldn't upset me so much if he fulfilled other parental responsibilities, but he doesn't have to pay for anything of mine. I know I'm whining about this, and if I were to be resoponsible about it, I would just get a better job, save up money, and buy my own. But, this to me is a very unrealistic idea, as I couldn't afford to save money and still try to make ends meet. Seriously, am I acting like a selfish brat? Or is he?

At least my mom has come to my rescue. Over the break she gave me her 89 Jeep Cherokee, and for that I am very thankful. My mom has always been there when my dad is a jerk. I unconditionally love my mom and am proud of everything that she has overcome.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

another perfect description

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to give more than take in relationships.

You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

I would say it is a perfect description

Your Birthdate: September 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist.
A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around.
You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you.
You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people.

Your strength: Your devotion

Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness

Your power color: Lilac

Your power symbol: Heart

Your power month: June

"Letter to John" - Ani

Dear John,

If distance were no obstacle, would you long to hold me in your arms? Would you brush back my hair to whisper sweet nothings in my ear? Would you let me caress every inch of your incredibly soft skin? Would you wish me in your life?

All I want is to tell you how I feel for you. Because what if you feel the same? If I never told you, this opportunity would pass. I would much rather tell you my feelings and have you completely reject me than live with that ache of constant wondering. They say it is best to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

This is the difficult part...I've also heard that if the guy doesn't make the first couple moves, he's not that into you. I'm hoping you're the exception to this rule. Damn it, John, I don't want to be your friend. I want to feel your arms holding me in a loving embrace.

Last time we saw each other, you honestly surprised me. You flattered me, actually. Maybe I took your actions (or lack there of) the wrong way. I don't really think so. You seem to have changed so much, maybe not necessarily changed, but you have grown. Now, you amaze me. You aren’t afraid of anything. You pay attention to the little details. You are so intelligent. You make me laugh with such ease. And, you showed me a sneak peak at how you can be spontaneously romantic.

Distance is a conquerable obstacle. It is possible and pretty easy. Although, I will not budge until I know how you feel. I know if this doesn’t work out everything will be fine. I will search for a guy similar to you but will find someon better in ways I’ve never imagined. If this is the case, I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me that truly great guys do exist. Thank you for inadvertently teaching me not to settle, and also not to set my expectations too high that they just end up disappointing me. Thanks John, for everything.


Wednesday, January 04, 2006

One of the most beautiful places ever...

Lately, over the break, I have been devouring an extremely unhealthy amount of movies. Particularly whatever I can find on Starz and Encore, and I've been sticking mostly to comedy and drama. These movies have been shot in some incredibly beautiful places... take After the Sunset for example... shot in the Bahamas, the characters' beautiful house sits right on the most gorgeous beach with the most incredible view of the sunset. Few things make me jealous, but this is definitely one of those things. I wish I could have been there...I wish I could be there. But I guess I have to realize the beauty that I have had a chance to see for my own and remember that I was there, and I can be there again.

It was about a year and a half ago, and I went to Ensenada for the second time. The first a year earlier (which was also wonderful). Ensenada is absolutely paradise. Except for the fact that you can't swim in the ocean because sewage from San Diego and Cali supposedly is emptied into the water and you are pretty much swimming in crap, I think they also said something about undertows too. (Seriously, it was mostly because of the undertows.) There were other things that bothered me about the place, but that is not the point of this post. In Ensenada there are very many beautiful touristy places mainly hotels and restaurants. There is this one restaurant that is particluarly magnificent. I think it is called Mar Azul. I was with my dad and a lot of people that he races with (the reason we were down there). The whole restaurant was cozy...the kind you dream of being taken to for a special evening... an excellent mariachi band was quietly playing in the background. They sat us at their biggest table with the most comfortable chairs i've ever sat in at a restaurant. The best part was the room that our table was in was right on the water. It was practically floating above the rythmic waves splashing on the rocks below. Windows were all around us. It was dusk and the sun was going to set and, we were getting settled in for our dinner and several rounds of drinks (pina coladas for me). I felt so free and unwound. A firecracker could have exploded next to my head and I wouldn't have flinched. I was trapped by the beauty of the massive ocean and brilliant sun setting ever so gently upon it. I may have partially felt this way because of the pina colada (or four). But even writing about it now, I can picture it perfectly in my mind and it brings me peace. I'm no longer jealous. From this I have realized that beauty is almost every where you look; even though sometimes you have to look hard, it is always well worth it.

Monday, January 02, 2006

My first...we'll see how this goes

I have wanted to do this for a while, but never really knew where to start. So, without hesitation, I'm going to get on with this. First, a little bit about myself...I am a nursing student in the great state of Montana. I enjoy many things such as taking pictures, cooking excellent food, sewing, playing pool, snowboarding, swimming, eating sushi, spending quality time with my friends and family, reading, and definitely browsing the internet. I have a pass to a local ski resort and I love every minute I spend up there (including the ones I spend tumbling in the snow). I love sitting on the chair lift, having a bird's eye view of the beauty that Montana has to offer. I am honestly humbled by the serenity it brings to me. I also love flying down the hill as fast as I can as well as gliding through smooth powder.
I am a sucker for country music and chick flicks. Recently I drove for a long time, and had a revelation about country music and why some people like it. I'll get into that later.
I am not looking for a relationship. I'll get into that later as well.