Renewed Invigoration

After my last stressed out post, I found some ways to help cope. First, I decided to buy a subscription to Bead Style magazine. I rationalized this with my resolution to make more jewelry this summer. In buying the magazines, I'll hopefully be more inspired and my inspiration will grow and I'll be able to create my own works of wearable art. 

Second, I'm finally going to commit to changing my position to one that isn't as demanding in the amount of hours that I'm required to work. I know people can work 20+ hours a week and they are just fine. For me, it is mostly brutal. (Warning rant coming!) In working so much, I'm not able to spend as much time doing stuff that is good for me. I miss not being able to go out with Nate or my close friends on a whim. I miss not being able to cook dinner whenever I want (as opposed to 3 nights a week - usually I'm too exhausted anyways). And I miss being able to go to cultural things - even if I can't drag anyone along. 

What cemented my plan to switch positions was an email from Mason Jennings regarding his summer shows. He and Jack Johnson are playing at River's Edge in Somerset, WI on June 22. I think the last (and first) outdoor music festival I was able to dance freely at was the Green Man Festival outside of Duluth in the summer of 2002. I guess there were sporadic trips to Duluth to dance outside of Pizza Luce to WookieFoot and high school dances where people asked if my friends and I were on drugs (because we took up the unoccupied back half of the cafeteria to have room)! Anyways, rambling aside, I need to be in an unrestricted atmosphere and dance my little heart out to music that I like to dance to. If I were to keep my position, I would not be able to live as recklessly as I would like (take a week off here, week off there, etc). 

In addition to the above mentioned stress relievers, I also found a couple websites that I'm really enjoying right now. Baking Bites and Not Martha are my favorites so far.

Me

I don't like who I am. My less than ideal personality quirks have made things - life - more difficult. The latest confrontation I had about me made me feel so awful. Why do I do this? Why don't I do that? More often than not it seems that I could be more ideal if I just shut-up and didn't say anything to anyone. I have gotten better at moderating my comments and anything that comes out of my mouth, but I still am less than ideal. (I'm refraining from the word "perfect" because I am realistic.) 

When I was younger (throughout grade/middle/high school) I wanted to be other people because it seemed like they had everything - the nice clothes, caring parents, lots of friends. Now, I wish I had other people's personality traits. (On a positive note, I'm grateful because I recognize traits that I'm glad that I don't have.) It seems to me that if I were less of a "know-it-all" and more of a _____ (I don't even know what it is trait these people have), my life would be easier. How do I do this? How do I become a better person? I am trying but what if there's a key part that I'm missing because I can't see it and others can? Oh and on top of this - I don't want to be a nurse this week. Hopefully next week my perspective will change. 

Newly discovered oddities

At times, I am strange. Some may already know this to be true, but I am finally admitting it. Recently, I've found that I like to read obituaries. I'm not sure what started this fixation, but I enjoy reading about people's lives - some being very impressive! 

Another oddity is that I dislike when people ask how you are, and since I only use proper grammar when I have to, I say "good." When I return the question, they say "well". What are they trying to prove? Well you, sir, are working at a grocery store. I suppose that I annoy these people just as much because I am not using proper grammar, and am therefore, uneducated. 

During my spring break, my imagination is running wild. I have really odd dreams, and very odd daydreams. (Watching the Travel channel's lists of Best Beaches in Florida, the Caribbean, the United States, Hawaii, and the Sexiest Beaches of the World, only increases my daydreaming capabilities). One dream that I had, I was crawling in three feet of fluffy snow with a machete. 

This is all I can think of for now.