Friday, September 21, 2007

It keeps on pouring

I had to have another meeting with my instructor over the entire key incident/ how I'm doing. And, well, simply, I'm a failure. Yes, you heard it correctly...this overachieving perfectionist is literally failing because she refuses to do things half assed. Everyone else should not fret though, because I'm what's known to my instructor as "the only one" who is not comfortable with being thrown to the wolves. And the only one who is "failing" because I don't know anything about babies. I have read the chapters, and looked at the stupid clinical companion, and I don't know why it isn't connecting. Even still, I look back at what I've highlighted and asked, "I read this?"

The jist of my "let's rub everything in, because it's fun, and makes students cry and feel worthless" meeting was essentially just that. Okay, we already had this discussion, can we move on...? No, absolutely not. But I understand that you feel like I'm worthless. Can I just be done with it? No, at least once in your entire school career (if you pass), you have to question why you're here and why you want to continue on. That ideal you held about why you wanted to subject yourself to 4+ years of schooling do do what you thought you were cut out to do was absolutely bullshit.

What it comes down to though, is I'm me, I'm not other students, we all don't function at the same level, I'm sorry I'm stupid sometimes. Isn't everyone? Aren't we all just humans? Sorry, I forgot instructors/professors aren't human (even though you've also made your share of stupid mistakes).

1 comment:

Mandi said...

You are not a failure, just to set the record straight. You are a bright, competent, compassionate nursing student. Perhaps you don't work best under the conditions your instructor has set up - it happens, and it certainly isn't a reflection of your ability. It's a reflection of personality differences, and that's okay (even if the professor feels otherwise).

Chin up, friend. I know you will be a fantastic nurse.