Sunday, September 16, 2007

When it rains…

It has been a hard week, and I’m having a hard time putting my finger on it so I can deal with it appropriately. I feel lost in my clinical rotation. I’m not organized. I forget little things. I know Jack. (We’re actually great friends… oh you don’t know him? His last name is Crap.) I’m behind on a lot of stuff.

I forgot to return keys the other day, and I think that is what definitely put me in this mindset. I felt on the verge yesterday, but I’m not sure on what type. I didn’t know if I wanted to just quit right there, cry, or scream. I feel like my instructor hates me or thinks I’m some inferior because I don’t ask for help, and because I’m not as enthusiastic about this rotation. I don’t know, I guess I just can’t read her. At this point, it isn’t about a grade, that comes with homework. (If I ever get around to reading all twenty fricken chapters). It is about feeling acceptance or approval of what I’m doing, and for it to be okay if I don’t know everything. Isn’t that why they are there? I’m paying you to help me, to guide me, to teach me. Not to throw me to the wolves and wonder why I don’t know how to survive.

To make matters worse, it seems like I’m the only one who feels like this. I must have missed the memo that we were kicked out from under the wing early.

Nate and I are going to Glacier National Park this weekend. I think it will be a great break, but I could use the valuable time to catch up on my reading. Oh well. I think this semester it will be okay if I slack off. I did well enough last year that I gave myself a nice cushion to absorb the stress I put on myself to get good grades.

Well, this post spent a couple days on my desktop. Glacier was fun. It was kind of hazy so we couldn't see that much. But it was nice to get away for a little while. Whitefish was really neat. Nate and I splurged on dinner at a nice place. I had the prime rib and he had ribs. It was nice except for the fact that I felt guilty most of the trip for not doing my homework. Oh well. It was a little late, but whatever... we only get a point on it, and it isn't even "graded." :P I'm going to go home and read a lot. Toot-a-loo!

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