My thoughts on this past work week - ugh.

What am I doing with my life? I have had a couple shitty days at work, and they make me wonder what I should be doing that would truly be best for my career. I would never make it without the support and guidance of my amazing co-workers. They listen and offer true bits of wisdom. I don't understand how I can have amazing patients one day who tell me how much they appreciate me taking a couple minutes out of my day to chit chat with them, and then others scream out "I can't believe how you treat people!" I'm also appalled at my inability to be patient with all of my patients.

New Day

Not sure what day this is in the count.

I am grateful for masseurs. (Enough said.)

I am grateful for chefs.

I am grateful for sharp knives and the new skills to make knives sharper.

I am grateful for simple but refreshing chats with friends.

I am grateful for local bakeries who have perfected the art of bread making.

I am grateful for dedicated coworkers and charge nurses.

March 8, 2010

I am grateful for the smell of spring air.

I am grateful for plastic "money" I use at work.

I am grateful for sweet 80ish year old women and men who remind you of your grandparents and make you want to do everything right by them.

I am grateful for being able to recognize what stresses me so I can fix it.

I am grateful for TUMS.

I can't believe I forgot my blog's birthday!!

Blog is four years old... geesh!!


Blogger Graphics

Did you know? You have the power to choose your attitude.

For tonight, I was having a wide range of emotions for how I was going to create my post. A stressful event happened at work, and it left me and my sensitive feelers in a spastic frenzy. One second I'm irate, the other I'm feel as if I've been stomped on by an evil monster who is wearing 1 inch track spikes (aka hurt), not to mention the emotions of embarrassment, guilt, and vengeance were all lurking around. For this post, I thought I would be snide and say all of the evil things floating in my head about this other person that I'm not. However, that doesn't fit very well with the attitude I want to have. So, instead of being snide, I'm going to be proud of the good characteristics I do possess somewhere inside my trampled body.

I am grateful that I have empathy for people who's lives impact mine.

I am grateful for being able to remain calm in even the most stressful situations.

I am grateful that I am learning how to more easily admit my mistakes and listen when I am wrong.

I am grateful for everyday experiences that seem so insignificant at the time, but those repeating experiences over time morph into a beautiful synergistic energy we can use to help us through the major pitfalls.

I am always grateful for the listening ears of friends who truly care.

No Excuse This Time

Day 6 3-2-10
I am grateful for sunny and bluebird 50 degree days in February.

I am grateful for lattice and the ambition to create something from relatively nothing.

I am grateful for seemingly unrealisticly large bags of frozen blueberries from Costco - they help make great tasting smoothies!

I am grateful for the courage of others to research information and present this information to many people through different medias to help solve a national problem.

I am grateful for good friends to have subtle but meaningful debates with over delicious beverages.

Starting a new project is difficult while on vacation

Day 3 2-21-10
I am grateful for good music to ease driving.

I am grateful for caffeine.

I am grateful for blue skies.

Day 4 2-22-10
I am grateful for phone cameras and messaging so I can stay in touch better with my mom.

I am grateful for remote ski areas with feet of snow.

I am grateful for being able to give Santo the opportunity to leap through said feet of snow.

Day 5 2-23-10
I am grateful for mechanics that run a diagnostic check free of charge since we've already spent $1000+ there.

I am grateful for the courage to try a restaurant even though it wasn't what I initially wanted to eat; the experience ended up being much better than I could have gotten at the chain restaurant.

I am grateful for the patience to watch professional pool players playing at their best just feet away from me.

I am grateful to the professional pool players for reigniting my passion to play pool.

I am grateful for canned dog food that my emaciated pup eats so he doesn't get any skinnier.


Thorsten Hohmann


Shane Van Boening

Day 2

I am grateful for big puppy paws.

I am grateful for puppy bath wipes.

I am grateful for good friends who help me learn how to knit.

I am grateful for blue skies and getting to see the sun shining on snowcapped mountains.

I am grateful for cozy yarn shops open in small towns (Camas Creek Yarn in Kalispell, MT).

New Series

In the spirit of Lent, even though I am not Roman Catholic, I'm going to give up negativity and focus on the positive parts of my life and my interactions with others. So, in order for me to feel accountable to keep this up, I am putting my gratitude journal online, here, on my already created, but seldomly used blog.

I am grateful for forgiving friends that give guidance while remaining honest even though it may not be easy for them.

I am grateful for sweet puppy love (literally).

I am grateful for the soft and light feeling of my down comforter.

I am grateful for the delicious bakery genius of Wheat Montana's cream cheese cinnamon rolls.

I am grateful for DVR service so I can multitask with more efficiency.

The Fountain of Youth (or the perception thereof)

In my short experience of being a real nurse, it seems that the "fountain of youth" lies in your attitude towards life and how you deal with stress. The personalities of the 90 year old's I have met amazes me at my "quarter of a century" mark. Granted, there are quirks with many different people, and this is not where I will discuss my views on death and those who die. I write to detail the personality quirks I have noticed.

My great grandma is 97. Even though I have known her all of my life, the first real memory I have of her is at my grandpa's wake. Many family members were at her house (she was 80 and was still living by herself and to this day still is), pictures of my jovial and loving grandpa were around her house. The one picture I remember most was when my grandpa was 10ish, and he had moderately long curly hair - he even had a pronounced curl that curled on his forehead. I think I remember it the most because my mom always told me stories of how when my grandpa was a young boy he never wanted to cut his hair - stories her grandma (my great grandma) had told her as a child.

My great grandma is the one of the most loving, most forgiving, and most laid back members of my family. She has experienced tremendous loss but still finds strength to persevere with a smile. It is this quality that I think helps you live until you're 100 with your wits about you. ALL of the 90-some year olds I have experienced working with in the hospital are incredibly "with it". (They also appear remarkably young for their age!).

Essentially, what do you do with your stress? Do you deal with it productively? or do you dwell? I'm sure all of the patients I've dealt with in their older age have experienced traumatic events, the difference is how they deal with those events and every day events.

(They also probably don't eat at McD's everday...)

I am naughty

I've been quite the slacker. Not posting, not writing, not being creative. I've been distracted. Life is distracting at times. What do you do? Keep on keepin' on I guess. I started grad school this fall, and that is definitely very distracting, and I have a hard time not getting distracted when working on it. Maybe I get so distracted because I am trying too hard to multitask? I know I'll be on more, writing more because it seems that I write the most when I should be writing papers and such. Keep in touch.

His side of the story

"I can't remember how long it had been."

"When I first saw her, the place was ours. Everyone else seemed to drift to the sidelines, muted. Her radiating smile, it was for only me. I embraced her small frame, intoxicated by her scent and feel. Oooh how I wanted more from her."

"She touched me softly, sweetly, sincerely. We were finally alone, it had been a long time since I've felt such affection. I couldn't resist. Then she said it."

"She said 'Now's not the time, please be patient, please wait for me'."

"How could she do such a thing? What a tramp."

"Did it really matter? I didn't know the full story. She's here. With me. Right now. That's what matters. She continued to show me innocent affection throughout the night. I've never felt such sweet, guiltless, touch."

"How I wanted more."

"And that's where we left it. I know she wanted to continue, I couldn't wait to see her again."

"In the days and weeks that followed, it was relieving to think about her less and less. With the change of seasons comes the winds of change for man. Regardless of my feelings for her, she wasn't ready for me. I had to move on."

"She yearns for me now. Now that she can't have me. Typical stupid girl."

"Maybe down the road, we'll meet again. She's too quiet, she won't let her feelings be known until it's too late again. It wouldn't really change anything now."

"Now, I'm gone."

Life is a garden, dig it!!

Since I'll be staying in the big house over the summer, I am going to have a real garden. No more gardens in pots, a real, growing, in-the-ground garden!!

Day 1


Day 2

Stay tuned!

Santo

Golden Retriever Puppy (if you couldn't tell)

Living in a Recession

Growing up poor, I grew very ashamed of our economic status, and vowed to never to live that way of life again. All I wanted was to be able to have as many nice clothes as the popular kids and to not have to use my free lunch tickets (which I thought the other kids knew I used because I was poor).

The Goodwill was my least favorite place to go. I remember being so ashamed because that is where we had to buy our clothes, while everyone else who went to town to buy clothes always went to the mall (a rare treat for my sisters and I). We were the poster children for the giving trees out around Christmas time. One year, I got really lucky and got so many presents. (This year, I hope to return the favor). We never got a lot of food from the food bank, but I remember going to the store with my mom's monopoly money (aka Food stamps) to get groceries. If anyone that I knew was behind me in line, I would always let them go ahead of me so they wouldn't know that I was using Food Stamps. I would also wish that the checker would go faster so this traumatic ordeal would be over quicker.

It is funny how perceptions change when poverty is more widespread. That's why I like the fact that there is a recession. People have to adjust, and money and jobs and job losses are perceived differently. The idealist in me hopes that people affected by a recession learn to not take money and wealth for granted. However, with the success of locally funded charity programs, it seems that people were already aware of their higher socio-economic status and provided for those who were not as well off.

Because of school, I had been holed up in the house or Hastings many days (and nights). When I went down town recently, I was shocked by the amount of buildings and office spaces that are now vacant with "For Lease" signs above their entry ways. It is almost like a sick game because I try to jog my memory and think of what used to be there... for instance, Last Best Candles on Higgins: vacant, Pumpkin Carriage on Orange: vacant, Stoverud's on Higgins: vacant (pink signs helped my memory), etc.

With Nate's job loss, I am remembering some of those money saving strategies my mom taught me as a child, and it is surprising that I am actually proud that I know how to live on a tight budget. While I am very grateful that I have a steady job that has little risk of being impacted by a recession, I know that there are literally millions in this country that are not as fortunate.

With my background in growing up poor and then becoming a poor college student, these are the money saving strategies I have learned over time:
Eat in or if you absolutely must eat out-use coupons and eat half and take the rest home for leftovers tomorrow (yes, you can survive on half of that gigantic portion of pasta). SPH sells a coupon book (for $10!) which has many buy one get one free deals in it, and I plan on using every single one.
Go grocery shopping often and at different stores so you learn prices
Buy in bulk when cheapest ($4 for 2 gallons of milk at costco!!) Cereal prices are not as cheap when in bulk (at costco) compared to some of the prices I can get elsewhere. Bulk at the Good Food Store is a little different. Watch your portion sizes.
Make that meal even though it feeds an army! Leftovers save you money.
Search the free ads and craigslist for things you absolutely need
Do you know that the hospital gives its patients generics whenever it can? You too will live if you buy the cheaper generic ibuprofen than Motrin.
'Tis the season for garage sales!

I know I haven't posted in a long time, but here's my comeback.