Life in a Bubble

Or more precise, a smoke bubble. I would rather breathe thick particulated air than lose my home, though.

A form of prostitution -just with more paperwork

No matter how you try and categorize it, selling yourself (for any reason) just seems down right unethical. Sure there are blatant violators of ethical code in prostitution, but what about the legal versions of selling yourself? What about selling an egg, sperm, or even plasma? It is amazing how much money the companies can pay... or is it? (Now, if I had done my research, this is where I would've thrown astronomical figures at you about how much profit these body buyers earn each quarter. But, I didn't.)

Regardless, they are paying you way less for your own body than they are making off of you. Yeah, yeah, "it is your choice" and "they have O&M fees they have to pay as well" and "insert your own defense here". My point in all of this little rant is ...? Well, I don't really know. I was bound and determine today to go and "donate" plasma (or so the people at Biolife like to say). But instantly I had second thoughts. Having donated blood before to seemingly noble causes, I know all of the steps. I was even wishing that my Hct level wouldn't be good enough to pass. (The reason why I usually get turned away.) Once I found out I passed (40%, a new record). I told myself to suck it up and I'll be fine, and I would never have to do it again if I didn't want. Just get my sixty bucks and be on my merry way.... HOWEVER... during my "physical" it was disclosed that I would only earn a measly $20 for my pint o' plasma.... TWENTY DOLLARS!!! But on my next visit within the week, I would earn the additional $40. Somewhere in there I mentioned having seen an add for an extra ten dollars, and the lady asked me if I brought the coupon with me, and I hadn't, and she said that their system was going to change over the next week where you would only get $25 and $25. Therefore we worked up this little "plan" where I would just finish out my physical, and I would come back on Monday with my coupon, and "donate" again on Friday before the pay change. So, I got some blood drawn to be tested. And I'm going to "go back" on Monday with my extra ten dollar coupon...

As I'm writing this, it doesn't seem that bad. I could sell my plasma to them twice and I would get paid $75.... next week. But, I really don't like to get poked and giving my blood to vampires. So, I resisted this urge to get paid for my body, and searched out real jobs more aggressively.

Mac fan

Mac vs. PC (south park version) - Watch more free videos

"B" is for Bored; "L" is for Lazy

What Ashlee Means

A is for Adventurous S is for Silky H is for Hot L is for Luxurious E is for Explosive E is for Enlightened

What Does Your Name Mean?

You Are From Jupiter

You are exuberantly curious - and you love to explore newness. Enthusiastic and optimistic, you get a kick out of stimulating intellectual discussions. Foreign cultures and languages fascinate you. You love the outdoors, animals, and freedom. Chances are you tend to exaggerate, so try to keep a lid on that. If you do, you'll continue to be known for your confidence, generosity, and sense of justice.

What Planet Are You From?

You Are a Cherry Jelly Bean

Sweet yet strong, you have a distinct personality without being a weirdo. You're the most normal of all flavors - but you're never boring.

What Flavor Jelly Bean Are You?

The Coolest Computer Application since Oregon Trail!!!

Okay, well, Dyno Park Tycoon and Number Munchers were always a blast. Here are some "stitched" photos courtesy of PhotoStitch from Canon. I used to do this with paper originals, but they were always too big to fit in my photo albums. I was very excited when I found out that I could do it with my digitals, too, but without all of the tedious Photoshop maneuvering. You might need to open them up to see what they really look like.

Coming into Estes Park the "back way."


Leaving Telluride as the storm breaks.

Interesting tidbit... yes, that is snow. Yes, we were there in late May. I have another picture of Telluride, but looking the other way. I'll post it with more road trip pictures.

You've seen the Grand Canyon once, you've pretty much seen it all... we did miss one part, though. I can't understand why this one curves. Natural curvature of the Earth?? Probably not.

Minnesota Pictures

Blue Heron Nests




Miss Kashmira

Only in Montana

I've found that there are some things that I'll probably only get to experience in Montana. One day last spring this was proved to me. I was driving down Reserve when charging at me was a giant furry thing in the back of a truck. The fur ball was huge! As it got closer I was able to see that it was not just a giant fur ball, but a gigantic replica of a stuffed grizzly or brown bear. Where esle in the states is it "cool" to have life size replicas of animals adorning your 10,000 square foot "mountain cottage"? On the same note, just the other day I saw another stuffed animal being transported, this one though was either a deer or elk. I couldn't really tell because I didnt' get that close of a look at the antlers. That wouldn't be that big of a deal, but like the bear, it was huge!! I didn't realize they made them that big... ;) Some other things that I've loved experiencing in Montana have the been the beautiful sunsets...even just the sky. I took these pictures from our balcony. I'm so lucky to live somewhere where it is this beautiful.

The pending storm


All bark and no bite... it quickly broke up. The little dot is a life flight heli.

Greener pastures and modified chip boards?

I retired my hit counter and FeedBlitz options. The number was interesting to see, but out of the 835 hits, I'm sure I accounted for at least 400. And, I was the only one to use the FeedBlitz. I found this ClustMap from Mandi's blog and hired it on the spot. After pretending like I know what I'm doing in the "Edit Template" zone, I HTMLed that littled guy right in there and viola!! it worked! It will be reset monthly, and I think you'll be able to click on it for a bigger picture. We girls always like to think of the bigger picture. (Not quite sure if that makes sense, but I thought it could sound good, but maybe for someone else. I'll think about it and hopefully something more snappy comes to my mind.) Over the summer I've been divulging in *Guilty Pleasures.* Reading, silly! I read the book Evening and I'll get around to seeing the movie. I just read a Nicholas Sparks pleasure, and found that everyone else in Missoula must have the same idea because now they are all checked out!!! I grabbed the Fountainhead, but its daunting size discourages me. I guess I just want something where my mind doesn't really have to think or wonder or learn. I'll equate it to playing a video game. Very engaging but not very enlightening.

The case of the magically floating rock

(This is a work of semi-fiction. Names, charaters, places, and incidents are partly the product of the author's imagination or are used semi-fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is partly coincidental.)

I was at Joe's house engaged in light conversation with his sister. (We had always gotten along really well; even better than my own sister at times.) She had answered her cell, so I was noticing how the surroundings had changed since my last visit. New trinkets adorned old shelves. New shelves were constructed to house old trinkets. Pictures I had seen a million times as well as many more I had never seen. People growing older, people becoming a little bit slower, people who still had a brilliant smile because they were so absolved in their surrounding.... wait a second, I do remember that picture, but not with that same content. I stepped in for a closer look. What I saw made me giggle under my breath at first. It was a picture of Joe and me with the rocks we had found. Joe was gleaming with pride over his rocks and my rock was mysteriously floating. It must have been magic or something. I distinctly remember when that picture was taken, and it wasn't magic! I WAS HOLDING THE DANG ROCK!! But, what happened to my body? Carefully and undiscreetly removed from the picture; it was gone. (However, my fingertips were still around the rock.)

Needless to say I left Joe's sister shortly thereafter. A little hurt and perplexed by what I had seen. I guess that's what happens when people step out of other's lives....you are literally 'out of the picture.'

Expectations

I wrote this one night in Minnesota.

I’ve definitely begun to have really low expectations of people. I do this because if they don’t meet the higher ones I’ve set for them, I can’t be as disappointed. For instance if someone says that they would like to spend time with you, but consistently makes up pathetic excuses as to why they can’t, if you expect them to ditch you, you won’t be as upset when they go back on their word. However, maybe this behavior is only worsening the situation because they learn that there will be no “penalties” if they don’t follow through on what they say. On the other hand, punishment shouldn’t be a factor in why they follow through. They should do it because they want to.

I have found myself on the other side of this argument many times (especially while being in Minnesota). Promising to call when I know I won’t get around to it; screening a phone call because I don’t want to talk to the person (honestly doesn’t happen that much); and wishing sometimes I could really get into a conversation with a person but I know that in the two minutes that I have before we run out of small talk I’m still considered an outsider (even if I knew the person since 6th grade or even Kindergarten). Maybe I come off as not being genuinely interested, maybe they feel they don’t have enough time, maybe they are only on their way to getting more drunk and I’m really not worth their time.

Even though, I have learned from being on the other side of the fence that most of the time I have flaked out on people I usually end up wishing I would have spent more time with them than wasting it on trying to think of pathetic excuses. The good thing is people are around. With current technology people can be contacted at any time through any medium. I could send an email to their phone or a text message to their email. I still prefer the old fashioned snail mail, though.

I’m not sure how this has evolved from me being upset with people and their actions to me being upset with myself over the same actions. But maybe since I can see it from both sides, I won’t be such a flake and people won’t set low expectations for me, when in actuality I’m really just setting low expectations of myself.

oooooooofffffff da!

(Pronounced like the "o" sound in moon for anyone not versed in northern Minnesota lingo.) I pretyped the following entry and that's why it is all over the place and so long.

Here I am, sitting on a dock in northern Minnesota. I am without internet access, like usual, and I have been dieing to write something — anything. Kashmira is pacing about, trying to find a comfortable spot to lie down, the mosquitoes and gnats are annoying even with the deet covering my skin, tree frogs croak in an uncoordinated but beautiful symphony, cars zoom by on the distant highway expressing their urgency. I’m trying to find a spot to start, however there have been so many things I want to write about so this will probably end up being a conglomerate of tangents I have pondered while staying here.

Parts of me hate coming back here, I would love to detail every single reason why and a rebuttal for why I ignore it and come anyways, but this is a blog, not a book, and it all seems pointless in the end. I love seeing people but it always seems disappointing in the end. Either I’m disappointed in some way, or they are.

I can’t believe that Tony is really getting married. I saw his brother, sister-in-law, and niece, and everything was awkward in ways I never imagined. I obviously didn’t forecast things being how they used to be, but I thought that it would be warmer. However, it is mutual, I didn’t know what to say to them, and they to me. (My deet suddenly became penetrable, that may be why Kashmira is pacing like she is.) Honestly, I am happy for him because I know that she makes him feel in ways I never could. And, it was really apparent to me why we aren’t together. This probably relates to that damn Type A personality disorder, but I feel that I failed. I think of one the main things that Tony told me when I asked him why he liked her, and he said that she smiles and has a good time. I also think that this trait contributed to the fall of other relationships that I’ve had. But can I help it? The time that I think I developed that part of my personality was when everything in my family life was totally screwed. I started to hold this nonchalant façade so I could deal with everything and maintain a “normal” looking life. (Who would’ve ever guessed?) Unfortunately I think that carried over into even now, and that may be why people think I’m more mature than the normal twenty-two year old. I don’t know how to show more emotions. Maybe this isn’t such a bad thing because I know that when I do express them, they are more heartfelt.

Now, though, my family is amazing. I can’t believe how much better life is. I have had home cooked meals available to me every night. It is kind of funny how it works, too. Whoever is in the kitchen is the chef. Everyone gets a job, and the system is understood. And everyone loves the system. And great food comes out of the system.

"Reality killed the pop up video." Seriously, pop-up video was the best show on TV…right alongside Rescue 911, and Unsolved Mysteries….and the mini movies on Lifetime. I don’t care who you are, I think you deserve a little bit of privacy, and I don’t want to be bombarded by your drama. Doesn’t everyone have enough drama in their own lives without engaging in a foreign person’s drama? If you are drama free, why would you want to add meaningless drama to your life? However, maybe that is what this is too? A blog is a just a different media for displaying my “real life” drama. I guess my drama isn’t that interesting though because I'm not getting paid for it like the movie stars are. I am paid in personal gratification, though. I have somewhere to unload my thoughts and feelings when there isn't anywhere else to turn to.

I'm going to separate this into another post or else it will be too long.

Hormones or finals?

Today was pretty rough. I've been trying to study since 11, and in between little twerp high schoolers invading the campus and annoying college students gabbing about how they are "in the library studying" on their cell phone, my collectiveness has escaped me. I was trying to send something to the printer in the library and for one, they don't use the printer punch cards used every where else on campus, and for two, I couldn't get the damn thing to send to the right printer. I almost broke down right there...over a stupid research article that I was trying to print?

Then, I avoided going to the lab in the UC because I STILL can't get my password to work. This is driving me insane. Thankfully the guy at the desk wrote down his password and username for me. Now, I'm going to go home and make some sushi and then try to study again. I don't think I was that productive the first time because I can't find a very conducive spot to study in.

I miss MSU.

Paper what?!

I was going to try and stay away, but I like to think this helps my brain to unload information so new can be picked up. We heard that one of the beliefs on Alzheimers was that you just have so many memories and it is hard for the brain to make new ones so it overloads and frys out. I think it was for Alzheimer's, but maybe it was for some other neurological function (evidence of mental overload....).

Yesterday, I was in the bookstore because I ran out of paper to write notes on. I had this insatiable urge to buy paper. I have a ton of loose binder paper at my house, but it doesn't do me any good there when I'm in the study zone *now* at school. Whether my indecisiveness was due to the plethora of expensive notebooks or my brain was in the frazzled zone I mentioned above, I'm not quite sure. I'm contributing it to my newfound paper connoiseurship. I think all students become connoiseurs of very odd and seemingly unimportant things while in school. (I'm not sure about the general workforce because I haven't had enough back-to-back time in one 'profession'.)

Myself, I like particular pens, erasers, and paper. I know Nate is picky about pens (not the same ones that I like thank goodness), marking pens, mouses, and chairs. I've also realized that I analyze spaces I'm in to determine whether or not they are conducive to studying. Take for instance the coffee shop that I love to go to (because of my afternoon caffeine addiction and their free internet service), it really isn't that conducive to studying for me. It is noisy, and I get easily distracted, however, I can surf the internet with ease and get homework done that needs me to have access to my computer. Unfortunately most of it doesn't.

Back to the paper, though. I like bright white paper that is a little thicker than average paper, but it can't be too glossy or shiny that will make my pens look irridescent or hard to read. It is calming in a sense when I use the pens that I love (BIC's Cristal Gel, only found in the bookstore at MSU...I'm dead serious, I've checked everywhere else for them) on smooth paper. The pens just glide on it so smoothly and it takes a second for the ink to dry, it is like writing with a very very tiny paintbrush. The strokes are so smooth and fluid, and if you stall on a certain part of your stroke the pen lets down a little more ink, in the same sense, if you systematically lift the pen off the paper as you're finishing a word it leaves it looking wispy like the word wants to fly off the paper. I can't really paint like this with a real paint brush, but I can "paint" with my pen, and that helps me connect my brain hemispheres and really focus on my homework. Okay, I've spent (wasted more or less) an hour on this and I have to overload my brain some more before the night is over.

T minus: 4 days 18 hours and 30 minutes

week of nonhell

I'm going to take a more optimistic approach to this year's usually stressful and hectic week. I have a powerpoint presentation due on Wednesday (I'm trying to keep on it...), two teacher evaluations on Wednesday (one that needs a paper pulled out from some orifice), and then......the f-word.... Finals. Two on Monday, one on Tuesday, and then (hopefully) the easiest one on Wednesday to wrap it up. My lease expires on the 10th, so, in the midst, I'm trying to pack everything. I did get a bigger storage unit, so I'm on my way. I'm planning on making sushi for a break from studying this weekend and, I'm going to try my hardest to refrain from writing in here until it is over. So, until then.... may the force be with you .... (and also with me).

T minus 8 days: 19 hours until school is over for the semester!

Hearing vs. Sanity

At what point does your hearing take precedence over your sanity? Take for instance, a bunch of high schoolers in a relatively quiet and peaceful coffee shop that find the only spot to sit is next to you? I've turned my headphones up to the point where I'll probably sufffer long term hearing loss, and I STILL CAN'T DROWN THEM OUT... maybe it is time to take a break.

I was on my way out the door, and then they left!!! The girl behind me commented after they left, "Thank god! I didn't know how much more I could take." I'm not the only demanding one around here.