Quick Post

While perusing for some clips to add to our group project, I came across this YouTuber. When I watched the first video, "Grief is Like Racing," I wasn't sure if he was mocking grief or if this guy was for real. Some of the things he touched on were right on the money and sensitive, but Nascar racing??? Honestly, how can anyone take that seriously! 

Further investigation on my part would show me that this guy actually knows what he is talking about! He is a Master's prepared licensed counselor! I can't believe he has only been on YouTube for 2 months and doesn't have a huge fan base yet. Count me in! I think what I like best about him is that he is making light of serious situations and is discreetly offering serious advice. 

Here is one of his videos and a link to his YouTube profile with the complete list of his videos.

BubbaCounselor

I found some new shoes!

While this one isn't exactly like the ones I found, it is still very similar. They are little jewelry boxes that look like flip flops! Very, very cute! And, amazingly inexpensive at $6.50 per shoe. I bought three of them from the Garden of Beadin' to use as gift boxes for some hand made jewelry. 

But I still love 'em

My Danskos have molded to become my most favorite pair of shoes. However, they have one eensy weensy problem - they have put a damper on my love of shoe shopping. Granted, they cost around $100 and that alone would be enough to make some people quit buying shoes. These shoes are so perfect that other shoes can't live up to the standard that my Danskos have set. Even my other "almost every dayers" get jealous because I don't take them out as often as my Danskos. My Danskos fit like warm fuzzy slippers on a cold winter's day. My foot is ying and my Dansko, yang. 

New "do"

I thought it would be fun to spice up the layout of my blog. I found this great website, Pyzam, from browsing another blog. I was overwhelmed by how many different layouts they had. I wanted to do a Valentine's Day theme without it being too corny, and this is what I found! I think it is beautiful, but I can't add sidebar links the same way that I could so nicely with blogger's layouts. They will have to do, though. I have several things that I want to post, so stay tuned!

Nothing is more disappointing

... than a dirty bathroom. My critique of bathrooms started when I was in about the third grade and I hated using a certain bathroom at a well known big box store. I hated it because it was disgusting. It always smelled of cigarette smoke or a stuffy combination of fake flowers and cigarette smoke. It was never clean, and it was always dark and dingy. 

Nate and I had dinner at a well known chain restaurant. A typical plate at this place costs anywhere from $15 - $26. I used the restroom, and it made me completely disappointed with the place. The bathroom was poorly laid out, had strange smell, had a dark, dingy look, and dealing with the faucets was a nightmare! Nothing can ruin a first impression faster than a dirty bathroom. It is one thing if you're a busy nursing student with a part-time job and you only get around to cleaning the bathroom every other week. But a nationally known chain restaurant (and I'm not talking about a fast food restaurant- one expects their bathrooms to be disgusting) should have clean bathrooms. (Not to mention, if you follow a particular "theme", why would you not include it in your bathrooms). I guess what really makes me upset about this is that a dirty bathroom makes one wonder what else is dirty that the paying customer doesn't see in a restaurant. 

Wait for it!

This video is hilarious, you just have to wait until the end! When Kashmira was in Montana, she would get snow stuck in her paws so I bought her a similar pair of booties and she did the same exact walk! Very, very comical to me. (Probably not to Kashmira).

$200...not bad!

I purchased my school books and was surprised to see that I barely spent $200; a definite improvement from the $500 I paid last year! It is still hard to believe that I'm finally, FINALLY, a senior! Usually by four and a half years into college, most people are graduated with real jobs and real lives. Not this cool cat. I have less debt, so I'm fine with the time extension.

However, with this new 'seniority', I'm being forced into giving up this familiar life that I've actually grown accustomed to. School life is kind of convenient in an odd way: all of my loans stay in deferment, someone else picks my life's schedule, holidays and vacations are guaranteed off, and the end is always somewhere in the distance. That distance, however, is extremely illusive - until now. Job searches have been a way to day dream life as a real nurse. Deadlines for said 'real jobs' were always stress free because that wouldn't be me for another year or two. (I've been daydreaming for a while now!) But now I have to remember when hospitals are accepting applications for new grads. I have to decide on an internship that might give me an edge for a job. I have to decide where my life is going. 

Blog turns 2

Upon waking, I experienced a revelation. Not only did I remember that my blog was now two, but I realized why I have failed in the past. I have been extremely negative, and about what I don't know (actually it was probably about everything). It makes me wonder where I'd be if I just lightened up more often. However, there's no sense in regretting my behavior because it will only continue to make me bitter and I'll miss out on what I have.

On that note, Nate and I went snowboarding twice so far this season. That is two times as much as we went last season!! The first time we went up to Snowbowl which is not very far from Missoula. This past time we went to Lookout Pass which is on the Idaho side of I-90. I couldn't believe how much snow they had! In one spot, the snow was up to my mid thigh! Thankfully I was blowing through it on my snowboard and not trying to hike in it! They were also very cheap and on Pacific Standard Time!! I was pretty bummed because I thought we got a late start and the roads were crappy, but when we got there we saw the Pacific Time sign and everything seemed better. We plan on making a trip to Schweitzer, but Nate has to get on that so I am able to take the time off.

Hopefully we'll be able to make a trip down to Big Sky at least once this season. I love the feeling that Big Sky gives me. I love riding their awesome snow, and it is so huge that you can explore a new trail every time you're there. To top it off, sitting in the Carabiner lounge drinking a Salmon Fly Honey Ale, spiced Apple Cider, or delicious hot chocolate completes the day and melts all of your sore muscles away.

Lately, Nate and I have been discussing living life in a ski town. It really sounds fantastic because we'll be able to keep doing the things that we love to do. However, ski towns usually don't have the good paying jobs, even for us 'professionals'! And we'll both have loans that need to be paid. I guess we'll just see where life takes us!

27 days & 20 hours

of freedom from papers, tests, and 6:30 labs! Nate and I went snowboarding to celebrate. I did good enough in my classes, and I'm fine with that.

I began my first book to read for fun over the break. It is called "The Significance of Children and Animals." I picked it up when I was looking for references for a paper. I'll probably also find an easy to read Nicholas Sparks novel. I love to read cheesy romance novels, and he's the best I've found.

As one might assume, I think my brain has shut off. I wanted to write, but now that I'm here nothing makes sense.

The end is very near

We have class tomorrow, one final Monday, and the last final on Tuesday. Very very exciting, but I feel as if I've already taken my finals and have nothing else to do with my time! Huge mistake on my part! I've barely studied, and I know I need to. But, I can't really find a place that is conducive to studying. I'll probably rotate around town visiting the places that sometimes work, but only during their quiet times.

It is frustrating. On a much better note, though, I had a great experience at work the other night. A lady with a chronic debilitating disease joined us. I was honored to have enough time to sit with her and listen. It is experiences like this, that remind me why I am doing what I do. This lady almost had me in tears several times, and I'm not entirely sure why right now. It is just that I really felt like that is where I was supposed to be, and that is where she needed to be. It is interesting how lives intertwine at the most critical moments and something remarkable and beautiful happens because of it.

Enlightenment aside, it still won't help me prove the mindless knowledge I learned from my books and classes. I know it is very important to have a strong understanding of the pathophysiology of disease and dis-ease, but how can they test you on the things that really matter? Okay, I'll leave until after finals to write a hallelujah piece.

3000 ... not 300

For those of you who are directed here because you want to know how many pages a 3000 word essay is, the text equals out to about 10 pages, 12 point font, double spaced, with one inch margins. Additionally, a 10,000 word essay equals out to about 32 pages of text with 12 point font, double spaced, with one inch margins.

Hope this helps you with your endeavor, and please feel free to click on the "Resolution" title above to read my current entries. Thank you and good luck!

I just finished an assignment for my most exciting class. That is a glorious feeling. When I started this project I had visions of bullets and straight to the point sentences dancing in my head. Oh how I was sadly mistaken when this tedious project turned into a 3000 word paper! If I were to leave it at 12-point-double-spaced-less-than-one-inch-margin settings it would waste 10 sheets of bright white paper. I would love to leave it in the one and a half spacing that I write in and 11 point font to only use 6 pages of paper, but one of the criterion for the paper is double-spaced... do you think she would notice? Or better yet... would it really matter? Less room to write comments in my pretty!!!!

Okay, I'm probably going crazy. No matter how many pages I format it too, this stupid assignment worth one fifth of my grade, took 3000 words to "sum up". That is a short novel according to when I was piece paid as a newspaper writer. Towards the end of my paper (okay probably when I was at the 300 word mark...), I could feel my grammatical reasoning slip. Words and punctuation just didn't fit together, I couldn't even spell! I relied on my fingers remembering how to spell out words, and typing anything that was close enough to get picked up and fixed by Word. See, I'm still having problems. I needed to debrief and take pride in my accomplishment, though. Not only did I finish this assignment, I finished the Denver II write-up (what a piece of cake! I like instructors who say "NO MORE THAN ONE PAGE!") and I submitted my care plan in ahead of schedule (as opposed to waiting for that deadline and forcing it to come out of my brain).

I agree with Mandi when she writes, "It's strange - no amount of disappointment or self loathing has had any effect on my terrible procrastination habit" (2007) ;). I wish and swear that next time will be different. I could be on top of it and have final assignments done two weeks early. I can turn off Alton Brown and get off my lazy butt to exercise. I'll get around to picking up my dirty-but-not-really-dirty laundry in that heap on my floor. Hm... looks like my problem not only is with school but that's how I am in general. Why is it so hard to change this habit?

I'm feeling that homework hangover start. (Probably the result of too much caffeine, not enough glucose, and the call of my nest (a fluffy down comforter)). Yup... those 3000 words really made me crazy. On a better note, IT SNOWED!!! Maybe a whole 3-5 inches so far! Nate and I went for a nice evening stroll in the first real snowfall. I had to save my sanity somehow!

Never thought I would be

I'm overwhelmed by feelings of fear. I don't want to do certain things because I'm too scared. But, it is a different kind of scared.

For instance, I'm scared that no matter how well I'm trained and able to do my job, something will still go wrong, and I'll hurt someone and I'll be sued. That's all it is. I was looking into NICU jobs, but then I got too scared to want to go into that field because of the high rate of malpractice suits. Then I was thinking adult critical care, and I was frightened again. Ped's-no. Oncology-no. ER-I have no idea. Maybe I should just go and pass meds in a nursing home.

I don't know what to do except wait patiently for this uncomfortable feeling to pass, and keep on doing the best I can at building a strong base of knowledge and understanding. For now, I'll just wait for my stomach to untie these awful knots it wrapped itself in.

I've had a couple of ideas that I wanted to post before I forgot them, so, as I wait to go to bed (Nate is cleaning), I'll take this opportunity to post.

I've been on a very strange food kick. I'm becoming more adventurous and trying recipes that look and sound great, but things that I've never tried before with ingredients I've never used. I thought exploring this unfamiliar territory would be exciting, but it has left me with a bad taste in my mouth (literally... not the usual metaphorical example). I made a daring spaghetti squash with a nice cream and mushroom and goat cheese sauce that turned out extraordinarily bland. It is still sitting in the fridge, half eaten. I also did Mexican macaroni, a recipe I never really knew but thought I could pull off. Even though I thought it was fine, it was a little off. The cheese melted funny and was granular instead of stringy. I also didn't use stewed tomatoes so there were chucks of tomatoes, and I can never really tell when pasta is adequately done.... My latest flop were pumpkin cookies with cream cheese frosting. They were okay... not spectacular. The frosting was great, but not the best snack food around. The cookies just aren't sweet enough. It is like a minicake. They just don't suffice a craving for cookies. I'm going to try an eggplant pasta on Tuesday... we'll see how that goes. I'm sick of knowing only a couple of good recipes. I want to learn new recipes that I can make and that taste great. I could look at this positively in the aspect that I've succeeded at finding several recipes that don't work so well for me.

In perspective, though, that doesn't seem very important when I consider what other people have to deal with. At work, I wish I had all the right answers. I wish I knew what to do with all of our patients, but then I'm torn because I don't know if I should even be doing something that a nurse normally would since I'm only an HCA (and nurse *cough*cough*..superhero... in training). But it kills me to just sit and do nothing. One nurse did complement me on how well I was able to calm and redirect one of our younger clients. (More to come later... I am going to bed regardless of the cleaning time).

Only 65% of an addict

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I definitely had to answer yes to the "do you blog instead of doing other things you have to do like studying for an exam."

Switching gears

Yesterday was my sister's birthday. She turned 20. On Thursday, we had guest speakers from Mountain Home speak to our class. Moutain Home is a place for pregnant teenage girls who are homeless or otherwise disendowed. This experience so close to my sister's birthday created a great flux of emotions within me... as my sister's son will turn 4 in November; her daughter, 2 in December.

My family has tried to help my sister so much: given her money when needed, a place to enjoy family company, transportation to and from appts, even offering a free place to live. However, she refuses to use the last resource to her and her children's benefit. She was evicted from her last apartment because it was infested both by bugs and drugs. She didn't cause it to be like this. However, it was in the terms of her lease and she knowingly accepted. She has a different apartment now and continues to live hand to mouth.

As one might detect, this is a painful topic for me because it is impossible for me to understand my sister's reasoning for staying in Vegas with virtually nothing. But, has my anger and frustration caused me to treat my sister less than I would a stranger I met in the hospital?

For instance, if a teenager presented herself to me in a clinical setting and had many of the same characteristics as my sister, I wouldn't think twice about finding her help, giving her the tools she needed to get on her feet, and helping her make a positive change in her life. With my sister, I have mentioned stuff to her, and expected if she really wanted to change, she would do it. She would find the resources she needed in her area and get on with it. With internet access, I probably have an easier time trying to find resources for her. Why am I waiting?

I think I just don't want to be upset by her. With someone else, I don't have to see her and be hurt by her the rest of my life. It hurts because I know what she could have become. It hurts because she is so damn stubborn for reasons that she refuses to fully understand. It hurts because she is only letting a horrible cycle continue.

I am going to find some information for her and leave it up to her and leave it at that... yeah right, but I can hope that she is still in that immature adolescent stage and consequence/benefit/abstract operational thinking is still developing. (Adolescent stage goes from 12-25...)