"I can't remember how long it had been."
"When I first saw her, the place was ours. Everyone else seemed to drift to the sidelines, muted. Her radiating smile, it was for only me. I embraced her small frame, intoxicated by her scent and feel. Oooh how I wanted more from her."
"She touched me softly, sweetly, sincerely. We were finally alone, it had been a long time since I've felt such affection. I couldn't resist. Then she said it."
"She said 'Now's not the time, please be patient, please wait for me'."
"How could she do such a thing? What a tramp."
"Did it really matter? I didn't know the full story. She's here. With me. Right now. That's what matters. She continued to show me innocent affection throughout the night. I've never felt such sweet, guiltless, touch."
"How I wanted more."
"And that's where we left it. I know she wanted to continue, I couldn't wait to see her again."
"In the days and weeks that followed, it was relieving to think about her less and less. With the change of seasons comes the winds of change for man. Regardless of my feelings for her, she wasn't ready for me. I had to move on."
"She yearns for me now. Now that she can't have me. Typical stupid girl."
"Maybe down the road, we'll meet again. She's too quiet, she won't let her feelings be known until it's too late again. It wouldn't really change anything now."
"Now, I'm gone."
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Life is a garden, dig it!!
Since I'll be staying in the big house over the summer, I am going to have a real garden. No more gardens in pots, a real, growing, in-the-ground garden!!
Day 1
Day 2
Stay tuned!
Day 1
Day 2
Stay tuned!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Living in a Recession
Growing up poor, I grew very ashamed of our economic status, and vowed to never to live that way of life again. All I wanted was to be able to have as many nice clothes as the popular kids and to not have to use my free lunch tickets (which I thought the other kids knew I used because I was poor).
The Goodwill was my least favorite place to go. I remember being so ashamed because that is where we had to buy our clothes, while everyone else who went to town to buy clothes always went to the mall (a rare treat for my sisters and I). We were the poster children for the giving trees out around Christmas time. One year, I got really lucky and got so many presents. (This year, I hope to return the favor). We never got a lot of food from the food bank, but I remember going to the store with my mom's monopoly money (aka Food stamps) to get groceries. If anyone that I knew was behind me in line, I would always let them go ahead of me so they wouldn't know that I was using Food Stamps. I would also wish that the checker would go faster so this traumatic ordeal would be over quicker.
It is funny how perceptions change when poverty is more widespread. That's why I like the fact that there is a recession. People have to adjust, and money and jobs and job losses are perceived differently. The idealist in me hopes that people affected by a recession learn to not take money and wealth for granted. However, with the success of locally funded charity programs, it seems that people were already aware of their higher socio-economic status and provided for those who were not as well off.
Because of school, I had been holed up in the house or Hastings many days (and nights). When I went down town recently, I was shocked by the amount of buildings and office spaces that are now vacant with "For Lease" signs above their entry ways. It is almost like a sick game because I try to jog my memory and think of what used to be there... for instance, Last Best Candles on Higgins: vacant, Pumpkin Carriage on Orange: vacant, Stoverud's on Higgins: vacant (pink signs helped my memory), etc.
With Nate's job loss, I am remembering some of those money saving strategies my mom taught me as a child, and it is surprising that I am actually proud that I know how to live on a tight budget. While I am very grateful that I have a steady job that has little risk of being impacted by a recession, I know that there are literally millions in this country that are not as fortunate.
With my background in growing up poor and then becoming a poor college student, these are the money saving strategies I have learned over time:
Eat in or if you absolutely must eat out-use coupons and eat half and take the rest home for leftovers tomorrow (yes, you can survive on half of that gigantic portion of pasta). SPH sells a coupon book (for $10!) which has many buy one get one free deals in it, and I plan on using every single one.
Go grocery shopping often and at different stores so you learn prices
Buy in bulk when cheapest ($4 for 2 gallons of milk at costco!!) Cereal prices are not as cheap when in bulk (at costco) compared to some of the prices I can get elsewhere. Bulk at the Good Food Store is a little different. Watch your portion sizes.
Make that meal even though it feeds an army! Leftovers save you money.
Search the free ads and craigslist for things you absolutely need
Do you know that the hospital gives its patients generics whenever it can? You too will live if you buy the cheaper generic ibuprofen than Motrin.
'Tis the season for garage sales!
I know I haven't posted in a long time, but here's my comeback.
The Goodwill was my least favorite place to go. I remember being so ashamed because that is where we had to buy our clothes, while everyone else who went to town to buy clothes always went to the mall (a rare treat for my sisters and I). We were the poster children for the giving trees out around Christmas time. One year, I got really lucky and got so many presents. (This year, I hope to return the favor). We never got a lot of food from the food bank, but I remember going to the store with my mom's monopoly money (aka Food stamps) to get groceries. If anyone that I knew was behind me in line, I would always let them go ahead of me so they wouldn't know that I was using Food Stamps. I would also wish that the checker would go faster so this traumatic ordeal would be over quicker.
It is funny how perceptions change when poverty is more widespread. That's why I like the fact that there is a recession. People have to adjust, and money and jobs and job losses are perceived differently. The idealist in me hopes that people affected by a recession learn to not take money and wealth for granted. However, with the success of locally funded charity programs, it seems that people were already aware of their higher socio-economic status and provided for those who were not as well off.
Because of school, I had been holed up in the house or Hastings many days (and nights). When I went down town recently, I was shocked by the amount of buildings and office spaces that are now vacant with "For Lease" signs above their entry ways. It is almost like a sick game because I try to jog my memory and think of what used to be there... for instance, Last Best Candles on Higgins: vacant, Pumpkin Carriage on Orange: vacant, Stoverud's on Higgins: vacant (pink signs helped my memory), etc.
With Nate's job loss, I am remembering some of those money saving strategies my mom taught me as a child, and it is surprising that I am actually proud that I know how to live on a tight budget. While I am very grateful that I have a steady job that has little risk of being impacted by a recession, I know that there are literally millions in this country that are not as fortunate.
With my background in growing up poor and then becoming a poor college student, these are the money saving strategies I have learned over time:
Eat in or if you absolutely must eat out-use coupons and eat half and take the rest home for leftovers tomorrow (yes, you can survive on half of that gigantic portion of pasta). SPH sells a coupon book (for $10!) which has many buy one get one free deals in it, and I plan on using every single one.
Go grocery shopping often and at different stores so you learn prices
Buy in bulk when cheapest ($4 for 2 gallons of milk at costco!!) Cereal prices are not as cheap when in bulk (at costco) compared to some of the prices I can get elsewhere. Bulk at the Good Food Store is a little different. Watch your portion sizes.
Make that meal even though it feeds an army! Leftovers save you money.
Search the free ads and craigslist for things you absolutely need
Do you know that the hospital gives its patients generics whenever it can? You too will live if you buy the cheaper generic ibuprofen than Motrin.
'Tis the season for garage sales!
I know I haven't posted in a long time, but here's my comeback.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Late Christmas Letter
Sent these out to some people and spaced out sending them to other people for who knows why (insert own commonly used excuse here).
----------
Wow, I can’t believe it, I am done! I finally have a Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing from Montana State University! This final year has been extremely busy. Beginning in January, I rotated through different floors in Missoula’s bigger hospital. I really enjoyed being in the E.R. and the Intensive Care Unit.
In May, I attended the graduation ceremony. My grandma and my dad came up from Las Vegas to celebrate with me and Nate. Also in May, I bought a motorcycle, a 1975 Yamaha 125. After I got used to riding it and riding in traffic, I upgraded to a 2009 Kawasaki 250. When gas was $4/gallon, it was relieving to fill up its gas tank for $6 and be able to ride around for two weeks.
In July, I accompanied my dad to Pikes Peak International Hill Climb. Even though Missoula’s elevation is 3500 ft, I had a hard time adjusting to the altitude which ranged from 6500 - 14,000. The course was extremely dangerous, and living in the mountains has taught me that windy mountain roads are not to be challenged by driving up them as fast as you can. Thankfully, my dad delivered me to the top of Pike’s Peak in one piece.
August came and Nate and I ventured across the country to visit Minnesota. It was his first time there, and he loved it! However, when you spend 20 hours driving through eastern Montana
and North Dakota, I don’t know how anyone could think that Eastern Minnesota is not beautiful! Nate and Rob golfed at both of Giants Ridge’s courses, while my mom and I drove the carts. We also went fishing and caught several Walleyes (which we later devoured). Being a good tour guide, I gave Nate a North Shore tour, complete with stops at Split Rock Lighthouse,Betty’s Pies, Canal Park, and finishing up with a trip to Red Lobster (not very unique, but enjoyable). With the help of Emily and Maria, we also gave Nate a tour of Biwabik’s finest establishments, and made him listen to Da Yoopers “Second Week of Deer Camp”. Nate promised we could come back often – as long as we fly or take the train!
During this last semester, I have been busy juggling school, work, and more schoolwork. I’m excited to start a more normal schedule. I plan to take adult education classes and hopefully I’ll learn how to knit, speak Spanish fluently, and become a ballerina. I also hope that Nate and I will be able to take a trip to Belize (or some other tropical location) within a year.
Since I have been working at St. Patrick Hospital, I was able to transfer to an R.N. position on the cardiac/respiratory floor. I’m very excited to get this opportunity, and I know every day will be a learning experience. I’ll probably take the NCLEX in February, but I’ll be able to work as a Graduate Nurse from January until then while earning the same amount of money.
Happy Holidays!
I also included several pictures that I have already posted on here, which you can find by searching the tags for "pictures".
Nate and I at the Split Rock Lighthouse.
Rob bringing in the boat off of Lost Lake.
My mom and Rob at Giants Ridge.
----------
Wow, I can’t believe it, I am done! I finally have a Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing from Montana State University! This final year has been extremely busy. Beginning in January, I rotated through different floors in Missoula’s bigger hospital. I really enjoyed being in the E.R. and the Intensive Care Unit.
In May, I attended the graduation ceremony. My grandma and my dad came up from Las Vegas to celebrate with me and Nate. Also in May, I bought a motorcycle, a 1975 Yamaha 125. After I got used to riding it and riding in traffic, I upgraded to a 2009 Kawasaki 250. When gas was $4/gallon, it was relieving to fill up its gas tank for $6 and be able to ride around for two weeks.
In July, I accompanied my dad to Pikes Peak International Hill Climb. Even though Missoula’s elevation is 3500 ft, I had a hard time adjusting to the altitude which ranged from 6500 - 14,000. The course was extremely dangerous, and living in the mountains has taught me that windy mountain roads are not to be challenged by driving up them as fast as you can. Thankfully, my dad delivered me to the top of Pike’s Peak in one piece.
August came and Nate and I ventured across the country to visit Minnesota. It was his first time there, and he loved it! However, when you spend 20 hours driving through eastern Montana
and North Dakota, I don’t know how anyone could think that Eastern Minnesota is not beautiful! Nate and Rob golfed at both of Giants Ridge’s courses, while my mom and I drove the carts. We also went fishing and caught several Walleyes (which we later devoured). Being a good tour guide, I gave Nate a North Shore tour, complete with stops at Split Rock Lighthouse,Betty’s Pies, Canal Park, and finishing up with a trip to Red Lobster (not very unique, but enjoyable). With the help of Emily and Maria, we also gave Nate a tour of Biwabik’s finest establishments, and made him listen to Da Yoopers “Second Week of Deer Camp”. Nate promised we could come back often – as long as we fly or take the train!
During this last semester, I have been busy juggling school, work, and more schoolwork. I’m excited to start a more normal schedule. I plan to take adult education classes and hopefully I’ll learn how to knit, speak Spanish fluently, and become a ballerina. I also hope that Nate and I will be able to take a trip to Belize (or some other tropical location) within a year.
Since I have been working at St. Patrick Hospital, I was able to transfer to an R.N. position on the cardiac/respiratory floor. I’m very excited to get this opportunity, and I know every day will be a learning experience. I’ll probably take the NCLEX in February, but I’ll be able to work as a Graduate Nurse from January until then while earning the same amount of money.
Happy Holidays!
I also included several pictures that I have already posted on here, which you can find by searching the tags for "pictures".
Nate and I at the Split Rock Lighthouse.
Rob bringing in the boat off of Lost Lake.
My mom and Rob at Giants Ridge.
Late but relevant post
(I wrote this on December 20, and yes, am posting it now.)
Fresh from my pinning ceremony, I am experiencing so many different and overwhelming feelings. This may be the result of 5 ½ years worth of stress finally releasing from my body or the “single” shot of celebratory-tequila Heather poured for me. For the first time, I am saddened by the sudden loss of my 23 classmates. Even though I had no family at my pinning ceremony, I still felt surrounded by people that I have grown to love as if they were family. It feels so surreal, as if nothing has really changed, and we’ll all see each other again on Monday or after break. But, tonight was probably the last time that I’ll see many of my classmates.
At these things, it is always said, “Stay in touch,” “We’ll get together,” “See you around,”….but, the likelihood of these events ever happening is very slim. It is more of a nice way of saying, "You are a good person, but I'll probably find any excuse in the book because I'm afraid of connecting up with you because I don't know what we'll talk about." I'm still every bit of a skeptic even after finishing school. Maybe this is just my own altered reality. I know I'm the one that is scared, maybe it is a bit of social anxiety, who knows.
Fresh from my pinning ceremony, I am experiencing so many different and overwhelming feelings. This may be the result of 5 ½ years worth of stress finally releasing from my body or the “single” shot of celebratory-tequila Heather poured for me. For the first time, I am saddened by the sudden loss of my 23 classmates. Even though I had no family at my pinning ceremony, I still felt surrounded by people that I have grown to love as if they were family. It feels so surreal, as if nothing has really changed, and we’ll all see each other again on Monday or after break. But, tonight was probably the last time that I’ll see many of my classmates.
At these things, it is always said, “Stay in touch,” “We’ll get together,” “See you around,”….but, the likelihood of these events ever happening is very slim. It is more of a nice way of saying, "You are a good person, but I'll probably find any excuse in the book because I'm afraid of connecting up with you because I don't know what we'll talk about." I'm still every bit of a skeptic even after finishing school. Maybe this is just my own altered reality. I know I'm the one that is scared, maybe it is a bit of social anxiety, who knows.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Say it isn't so
It is so. I am actually done. Finished. I have reached the end of this marathon race. I have so many mixed emotions, it is hard to start describing them.
Elated because I don't have to worry about finishing assignments
Relaxed because I don't have to deal with the frustrations of school
Lost because I don't know what I should be doing now
Sad because I will miss the people that I have formed bonds with
Hopeful because I will get to see some of those people
Hesitant to celebrate because I am in the process of applying for grad school
Thankful for the support from my friends and family (especially Nate when he was patient with my less-than-optimally-clean ways)
I'm taking these positive emotions and remembering what it feels like, so I can learn how to appropriately adjust my attitude during stressful times. I'm off to accomplish some other exciting things I have been pushing off until I had more time. (Finish my christmas cards, buy a couple christmas presents, sign a lease, explore puppy ads, finish class slideshow, finish NCLEX application, take a bath :) I love life. **In other news, I reconnected with an old friend today** It just keeps on getting better.
Elated because I don't have to worry about finishing assignments
Relaxed because I don't have to deal with the frustrations of school
Lost because I don't know what I should be doing now
Sad because I will miss the people that I have formed bonds with
Hopeful because I will get to see some of those people
Hesitant to celebrate because I am in the process of applying for grad school
Thankful for the support from my friends and family (especially Nate when he was patient with my less-than-optimally-clean ways)
I'm taking these positive emotions and remembering what it feels like, so I can learn how to appropriately adjust my attitude during stressful times. I'm off to accomplish some other exciting things I have been pushing off until I had more time. (Finish my christmas cards, buy a couple christmas presents, sign a lease, explore puppy ads, finish class slideshow, finish NCLEX application, take a bath :) I love life. **In other news, I reconnected with an old friend today** It just keeps on getting better.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Bits of self reflection
If I have learned anything this semester, it is how to be extremely vague and wordy without getting a point across. In filling out evaluations, I found that I can talk around things without really saying much or making many points. Maybe this is just a result of too many assignments and senioritis... (should invent a med for that). My last doosey of a paper - 40 pages of text written with a partner thank goodness - was essentially loops of words. When you get to a certain length and level, as long as you throw in enough big buzz words, they just think you know what you're talking about, when really you're just trying to find enough text to fill up so many pages so they really don't want to read it.
Reading through my stuff to find a perfect example has left me empty handed. However, I did not venture into said 40pg paper. Maybe at the time when I'm writing it, it doesn't seem to make sense when in actuality it does and I've just sat here for too long reading and trying to find the perfect words to describe how I've met Course Objectives #1-9.
In other news, I've started an extensive "for fun" reading list that I can't wait to conquer!!! First up, Marley and Me. I've read the first four chapters at Hastings as a stress reliever, comical break, bad procrastinaiton habit. Think I'll finally give in and buy the book as a present to myself on Tuesday, December 16.
*4 days, 15 hours, 40 minutes
Reading through my stuff to find a perfect example has left me empty handed. However, I did not venture into said 40pg paper. Maybe at the time when I'm writing it, it doesn't seem to make sense when in actuality it does and I've just sat here for too long reading and trying to find the perfect words to describe how I've met Course Objectives #1-9.
In other news, I've started an extensive "for fun" reading list that I can't wait to conquer!!! First up, Marley and Me. I've read the first four chapters at Hastings as a stress reliever, comical break, bad procrastinaiton habit. Think I'll finally give in and buy the book as a present to myself on Tuesday, December 16.
*4 days, 15 hours, 40 minutes
Sunday, November 30, 2008
'Tis the Season!
'Tis the Season for Christmas Carols! Hope you enjoy this other little gem. Definitely will make you smile and feel warm and fuzzy.
Da Yoopers, Rusty Chevrolet
Da Yoopers, Rusty Chevrolet
A little late, but a classic
I am in the process of writing my annual Christmas letter, and I needed to know the correct spelling for Da Yoopers when I found this gem! I didn't even know a video existed for it! Hope you enjoy.
Da Yoopers, Second Week of Deer Camp
Saturday, November 08, 2008
I can't do it!
I've decided for this one and only semester, I'm going to be fine with getting a C, whether it be on a paper, test, or crazy 20+ page project that needs to be started. I tried to not frantically study for my last test, and it went pretty well. I only studied for about three hours (on and mostly off) and managed to pull a high B/ low A away from it. I was completely satisfied with both the effort I put in and the grade I got out. (As I would have been with a low B/ high C.)
However, I'm finding that I cannot slack off on my papers!!!! Trust me, it is not because I want the good grade; it is because I'm passionate about the topics I am writing about. My latest paper was about universal health care. I think I have more than 6 references! WTF! I only needed one more reference other than the book I read for the stinking paper! Granted, one is a dictionary, one is a website, and three are different chapters in my edited book (all requiring separate entries according to APA guidelines). I wanted to support my ideas, but I don't think I needed to with this much annoying detail. Even though I am passionate about the subject, I go into this manic like phase when I write and I impulsively look for facts and figures and expert opinions to validate my opinions. It must be the journalist in me still hanging on from 6 years ago. Old habits do die hard...
Some randomness for you, oh reader, after the four and half hours I spent being a manic paper writer, I left this trusty cafe with the comfy seats and friendly baristas for the mall to get some real food. Even though I'm usually disgusted by early Christmas crap, I found myself happily engaging in the uplifting atmosphere. I ignored the looming cloud of schoolwork hanging above my head and imagined what it might be like to be those people having fun shopping for early Christmas gifts. Little kids squeal in delight, young teenage girls giggle about passing boys, a couple stare longly into each other's eyes, everyone looks like they don't have to do homework... EVER. I can honestly say that for a couple minutes I was able to completely forget what it was like to be buried under this suffocating heap of 'busy'work.
Ah.... such bliss.
Back to Paper #2 - Healthy Work Environment Status as Measured by Receiving the Beacon Award a 10-15 pager.
However, I'm finding that I cannot slack off on my papers!!!! Trust me, it is not because I want the good grade; it is because I'm passionate about the topics I am writing about. My latest paper was about universal health care. I think I have more than 6 references! WTF! I only needed one more reference other than the book I read for the stinking paper! Granted, one is a dictionary, one is a website, and three are different chapters in my edited book (all requiring separate entries according to APA guidelines). I wanted to support my ideas, but I don't think I needed to with this much annoying detail. Even though I am passionate about the subject, I go into this manic like phase when I write and I impulsively look for facts and figures and expert opinions to validate my opinions. It must be the journalist in me still hanging on from 6 years ago. Old habits do die hard...
Some randomness for you, oh reader, after the four and half hours I spent being a manic paper writer, I left this trusty cafe with the comfy seats and friendly baristas for the mall to get some real food. Even though I'm usually disgusted by early Christmas crap, I found myself happily engaging in the uplifting atmosphere. I ignored the looming cloud of schoolwork hanging above my head and imagined what it might be like to be those people having fun shopping for early Christmas gifts. Little kids squeal in delight, young teenage girls giggle about passing boys, a couple stare longly into each other's eyes, everyone looks like they don't have to do homework... EVER. I can honestly say that for a couple minutes I was able to completely forget what it was like to be buried under this suffocating heap of 'busy'work.
Ah.... such bliss.
Back to Paper #2 - Healthy Work Environment Status as Measured by Receiving the Beacon Award a 10-15 pager.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
aaahhhhhhh *sigh of relief*
It is strange how life gives you those simple reminders that you're doing the right thing. I was certain that my attitude for one class was less than positively radiant, and I felt guilty for this. I was worried that my instructor would take on the burden that my dissatisfaction and frustration was partly her fault, but of course it wasn't. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of work I still need to do in the 39 days and 20 hours left until The End, and I may have reflected this in my weekly update to her.
Thankfully, I had an opportunity to clarify my "concept of nursing" with her at my mid term meeting, and at the end of our meeting, she gave me one of the most heartfelt and sincere comments any nursing instructor gave me. She said that I may be quiet during our small group discussions and class, but when I do contribute to the group discussion, she feels that what I say is thoughtful and meaningful. She continued to say that this trait is very important for nurses to have because it lets patients feel as if they are being listened to.
Through all of the agony endured in my five and a half year stint as a student, these infrequent but memorable experiences remind me that I am doing something right and will one day be a successful professional in the career that I have invested so much emotional energy in. Thank you, comment givers, for helping me (and many others) see that glaring light at the end of the tunnel.
Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Thankfully, I had an opportunity to clarify my "concept of nursing" with her at my mid term meeting, and at the end of our meeting, she gave me one of the most heartfelt and sincere comments any nursing instructor gave me. She said that I may be quiet during our small group discussions and class, but when I do contribute to the group discussion, she feels that what I say is thoughtful and meaningful. She continued to say that this trait is very important for nurses to have because it lets patients feel as if they are being listened to.
Through all of the agony endured in my five and a half year stint as a student, these infrequent but memorable experiences remind me that I am doing something right and will one day be a successful professional in the career that I have invested so much emotional energy in. Thank you, comment givers, for helping me (and many others) see that glaring light at the end of the tunnel.
Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Wow.
I'm relieved that I don't have to abandon the country now.
Barack Obama Full Presidential Elect Acceptance Speech
Friday, October 24, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
